i feel anything but
slave like.
i miss Her control.
i miss kneeling before bed to have Her remove Her collar from my neck. i miss…
i miss… i miss….
By the time i get
home from work Lee is in bed and when She is gets up i am still sleeping. We
are like two ships passing in the night.
For a week or
so at the beginning of this month Lee
made a very micro-managing schedule for me but it just didn't work, for various
reasons. We may try it again in the new year, maybe once things have settled
down it will work better.
Once the new year
comes we will be have two days a week together, our "weekend". That might help. Recently we have only been
having one day a week together, which, since i work late the night before and
She works the next morning, really doesn't give us that much actual time
together. Especially when you add on that we have errands, chores, etc. to do
during that time.
We have also both
been sick. i had two colds in one month!
i have pretty much
lost my drive to serve and i feel like an imposter when Lee calls me Her slave.
As much as i hate to admit it, i am needy. I need my Master standing over me
actively dominating me, reminding me that They are in control, maybe because i
have a fairly dominant personality. i guess it's also partly that i'm kind of
like a young child in that if something is not right in front of me it doesn't
exist.
i think once the
Christmas season is over Lee and i are going to have to do some tweeking. i
think things will improve without my class work and the holiday stuff taking up so much time and energy. And as i
said we'll have more time together which will enable us to re-connect more
frequently and regularly.
i do think i need to
do some critical thinking of myself to understand why i need such active
control and try to come up with ways to satisfy this desire/need without
placing my problem on Lee.
I don't know if this
has come out in any sort of logical way. i apologise for the ramble but it is
what it is.
