Five years today! It has been five years that Master and i have been married. It seems like it happened both just yesterday and forever ago. The day we got married was one of the happiest days of my life! i have been looking back at where we have come in the past five years and i can't believe some of the leaps and bounds that we have made in our lives both kink/M/s-wise and personally. We have been through a lot and come out much stronger as individuals and as a couple.
In our personal lives, moving and trying to have a baby were probably our two biggest challenges. Moving was huge for us because we were leaving behind the life we knew together. The planning was stressful, we had to get our shit and ourselves as well as our four cats half way across the country. Lee was moving to a city She had never even been to. i was doing something i told myself that i'd never do, move back to the city i grew up in. For me, moving was, in a way, like admitting defeat; i was returning to a place that i had told myself i'd never live in again. If i thought moving was hard, going through trying to have a baby was even more tough. We spent so much time and money on trying to have a baby and in the end, almost exactly a year ago now, we decided not to continue pursuing that path. That decision was hard and i still struggle with it sometimes. Just yesterday i had a few moments where i started second guessing if we had made the right decision, first when i saw a cute little girl and the second time was when i was going through baby clothes that we had in storage. (we took them to a consignment store) It hurts and i don't think many people realize that i still struggle with that decision. Sometimes it feels like we failed or like we lost our dream.
In addition to those changes i have also applied to go back to school, which was a bit stressful and will be even more so when it actually happens. Also my mental health continues to be a struggle, some times more so than others. Just recently i had a pretty huge emotional/angry outburst in front of both Master and Kahwaii that we have now decided was brought on by the down swing of some great humiliation play.
In our kink/M/s lives revamping our M/s, going to Power eXchange Summit and meeting our family were the biggest events. When we got married, our M/s was at the peak of where it was when we were living in Victoria, in my opinion. It really fell off for a while while we were getting shit together to move and for about the first oh, six to nine or so months after we moved. After we started attending MAsT, and in particular the protocol dinner that MAsT hosted, our dynamic took off and we have been only getting stronger and stronger as the months and now years pass. We have more structure and protocols now, which i thrive under because i like things to be organized and in order. We never really figured out what happened to make it all click and stay together finally but i am so glad that it did! Power eXchange Summit was THE highlight of 2015 in my opinion. We were just so lucky to be immersed in the TPE/M/s energy that was flowing at the conference. It gave us a few new perspectives/insights on our relationship and it opened Master's eyes to cuckqeaning. Meeting Sir J and d has given Master and i something that i think every TPE and/or M/s couple needs, more than just best friends, they are our Leather family. If shit were to ever really hit the fan i know without a doubt they would be there for us in an instant just as we would for them. Master and i are able to be completely honest with them about any aspect of our lives. We also have Kahwaii, who may not be part of our Leather family but i do consider her to be family none the less. She is a joy and a blessing that i never would have thought was possible. Because of her Master and i can explore some sexual activities that are impossible to do alone. But more importantly it has proven to us that love is not divided but multiplies when another partner is added. i now have the honour and privileged of loving and serving two wonderful women. i feel more loved by Master now than before we had Kahwaii in our lives.
Five years. How can it feel like both just an instant and forever? Sometimes i feel like i know so much about Master that it is impossible that it has only been five years. But as they say time flies when you're having fun and these past five years have definitely been a blast! i can't wait for the next five and how ever many more after that....
