Our Wedding Vows

These are the vows that Lee and i said yesterday at our wedding

Lee's vows:
You have entrusted me with the care of your heart, a gift that nothing else could possible equate to.

I am humbled that you have chosen to submit yourself to an ever changing, and ever challenging life with me.

In the good times and bad that send you to your knees, I promise I will be there to lift you back up.

In moments of uncertainty, I will be there to lead you through and give you the strength to carry on.

I will help you grow and will evolve with you at the same time. I will shelter you with my love, and give you a home within my arms.

With all of my heart, body, mind and soul, I vow to keep, love and protect you

elle's vows:
Today i give you my heart and soul.

i promise to love, honour and obey you.

You are my guide when life prevents me from seeing my path.

The rings which we exchange today are an outward expression of the commitment which i carry with me through all of my thoughts and actions each and every day.

i am excited and proud to be your wife today and forever and ever, plus two days.

As the 13th century poet and theologian Rumi once said:
"A lover asked his beloved: Do you love yourself more than you love me?
Beloved replied: I have died to myself and I live for you.
I've disappeared from myself and my attributes, I am present only for you.
I've forgotten all my learnings, but from knowing you I've become a scholar.
I've lost all my strength, but from your power I am able.
I love myself...I love you. I love you...I love myself."

i'll post a picture or two in the next couple of days, once my wife has finished editing them and tell you all how it went down.

I lost the step-by-step guide to being a Domme

Hello friendly readers, remember Me? I’m the D in the D/s with elle...at least I’m supposed to be. I haven’t been doing a very bang up job of it for the last while. Seems ever since we took a few days break, months back, I haven’t been able to get into the groove of it on a regular basis and in so failing have not given elle any reason to put her best foot forward either. We used to play quite often and now there are more frustrated tears from not playing and discussions about not having played than there are scenes in recent memory.

Is it ALL My fault? Being the D, I’m supposed to be the one deciding everything and ensuring everything is done the way I plan, so I guess it is. Bad behaviour in a sub is a reflection of bad leadership from the Domme. Why should she sub if I flop in My role more times than I succeed? It’s tiring. Taking the lead, making her do things she doesn’t want to do and fights Me on, remembering to tell her something instead of asking and if I get another argument from it standing My ground. Because I said so, because I want you to, because of blah de blah de blah, isn’t reason enough if she has it in her head to fight.

Am I the D? Yes.

Is she stubborn, strong willed, knowing of what she wants and if she doesn’t get it ready to fight to create an excuse for not getting it? Yes.

elle is a sub that needs clear cut reasons. I know this. Am I good at supplying this? Not so much.

elle is a sub that needs to see that she is getting something out of what she puts in. Am I good at positive reinforcement and rewards? Um, well I guess not so much when play is a main point she needs. I think I’m good at positive reinforcement.

I know this is all about working together and Me deciding what is best for us and doing it whether she agrees in the moment or not, but it is hard to keep pushing through when I get such resistance that I just start to feel like a big asshole. I need the positive reinforcement too.

I feel like switching lines of thoughts now. The beginning of this post was written yesterday, and I don't remember exactly where I was going with it so...

It is four sleeps now until we say “I do!” I’m excited, nervous, scared and a little pukey if I think too long on it, lol. More than anything though, I can’t wait to be standing there in front of our witnesses to put a ring on the finger of the woman I am going to spend the rest of My life with. It seems like I have already spent a lifetime with elle and I want a million more. There are certainly things that aren’t going the best with us at the moment (see above) but there is so much more that is just incredible that I know there has not been another decision I‘ve made that has been better for Me, than being with and marrying elle. I love you My girl!!

My Love/Hate Relationship

i’m not sure if I’ve talked about this before so if i have i apologize but i’ve been thinking about it since it happened (again!) on Friday.

On Friday evening, Madam and i had a shower together. We shower together quite often and i love it. i get to shampoo and wash her and if i’m lucky Madam washes her toy too. We have one of the wand shower heads that has the massage setting on it. Once in a while Madam gets the brilliant idea to give me a massage “down there” which i love to hate.

Well, Friday night was one of those times. i tried to cover myself and turn away but i was told to be a good girl and move my hands and stand still against the wall. my clit is very sensitive and the pressure of the water is usually torture as was the case this time. i begged her to stop over and over but my pleas fell on deaf ears. Up till this point Madam had been “going easy” on me, my outer lips were protecting my clit somewhat. Then She told me to open myself up for Her. Again in vain, i pleaded with Her but i was met with the same command to open up. Realizing that my resistance was futile, i relented and pulled back my protective lips to expose my clit completely to the hard stream.

i screamed as the assault began again. my body bucked and thrashed against the torture. And even though i was imploring Madam to stop i could feel something stirring inside me and my pussy getting wet. “i want you to cum slut” Madam commanded and i could tell that i would soon even though i was saying no. i was deep in sub space by that point.


i could feel the wave of orgasm building stronger every second. As the wave engulfed me i started crying. my body had betrayed my mind, again, as it always ends up doing when Madam uses the water on me.

Madam returned the water to the regular shower setting and put it back in the holder on the wall, wrapped Her arms around me and held me under the stream letting me cry on Her shoulder.

Once i calmed down a bit, the water was shut off and Madam wrapped me in a towel.
Later, laying in bed i asked Madam how it makes Her feel when i say no and beg Her not to “massage” my clit. She told me that for a second She still second guess Herself but quickly realizes that if i actually meant no that i would use my safe word and that then She almost gets giddy with the feeling of power and control that She gets from being able to make me cum even though i “want” Her to stop.

She asked me how it makes me feel. It makes me feel exposed, vulnerable, open, violated (in a good way), controlled, owned. But to sum it up in one word, i feel very submissive.

i love/hate you shower head massager!!!

i love You Madam!!! and i can't wait for next Monday!!!

Happy Pride... We're Getting Married!!

i wrote this on Monday July 11 intending for it to be longer but i didn’t finish it... i thought i’d post it as is now rather than trying to rewrite it or add on.

Yesterday (well really it was from July 1 to yesterday) was Gay Pride here. Lee and i watched the parade and went to the festival. i got a new anklet that jingles when i walk which i love cause i can wear it in public unlike the cuffs that i have already. After the festival we walked along the Sea Walk which is where we first said i love you and where we hope to get married in two weeks to try to decide exactly where we want that to happen.

Yes that’s right, we’re getting married! It’s going to be a casual little ceremony, just us our witnesses and the Marriage Commissioner. Last week we got our marriage licence and rings. It was so easy, we both were a bit shocked at how easy it really was but like we said, our relationship has been so easy that why should this be difficult. We will probably have some sort of celebration next year, on/around our anniversary.