I feel like I have my Master's training wheels on. I'm ready to accept that I have moved forward enough and proven to myself enough that I am on the right path with taking the power and control in our relationship, that I have earned elle calling me Master. I can think of myself as more of a Master now too. It doesn’t feel false like it would have had I used that term a few months ago. Though, elle did point out that I called myself Master before she did when I told her to change a comment she made about our 'Ds' to our 'Ms'.
We talk about our dynamic a lot more now than we used to and it usually occurs to me by the end of our discussion how far I have really come. My confidence in having the ability to own this power is miles away from where we were a little while ago. I think as Masters we need to feel a little smug in our entitlement to having our slaves consent to the power exchange and lately I have been feeling that. Sure, I see places where I really need to up the ante but I also know that when I expect myself to know everything or be further ahead than I am, I just minimize where I am and where I have come from.
I shouldn't have started in on this journey with eyes only on the destination but I think I may have and that's why we have had so many blow outs along the way. Instead of watching where I was going and knowing how far I had come, I had been too eager to just reach the point where I could say I know who I am and how this all works. I expected myself to just know it all and be able to jump right into controlling another's life that when I didn't I gave up and sabotaged any success we did have. I didn't give myself the leeway to learn so I always felt like I was failing.
Now that I am giving myself time and space to learn; now that elle and I are constantly talking and processing together; now that I am allowing myself to enjoy the journey itself, I feel we have built a much stronger foundation. With our foundation flourishing it is much easier to build onto, adding more rules, protocols, rituals, expectations and the like knowing that what I ask of my slave is within my right as her Master.
Now that I can say Master, I don’t think it will be long until the training wheels come off.
