Marking

For the past week i haven’t been feeling well. Let’s just say that i have been having problems with my lady bits and on medications for it. The pills gave me some nasty side effects that i won’t get into but they were bad enough that i left work a bit early on Saturday and called in sick for Sunday and was almost glad that good friends of our had cancelled our weekend plans. Since i haven’t been feeling well, not much has been happening on the kink front in our house. i have been feeling distant from Master and my slavery because of all of this. By Sunday evening, i thought i was feeling better.

Sunday evening Master decided to mark me by peeing on me before showering as She occasionally does. She mentioned that She planned on doing so while we were having our weekly check-in and in my infinite wisdom i made a comment about how we should talk for another hour. That was when She mentioned that She planned on marking my face (which i found out last night was a spur of the moment decision). i thought She was joking. She was not.

Master has me sit in the tub, slouched forward so She can mark me on the top/back of my head usually. This time She made me lean back while She held me by my hair. She stood right in front of me, almost over me a bit. The way we always start the ritual is by Her asking me where i belong and me replying on my knees at Your feet Sir. There is typically a pause before She starts peeing on me but this time because She had been holding it there wasn’t. This meant there wasn’t enough time for me to take a breath. This had the dire consequence of having to take a breath while being marked but she was peeing on my face. The sensation was similar to when i was waterboarded this past summer. Finally when i couldn’t hold it any longer, i turned my head away as much as i could, opened my mouth a bit and took a breath. This meant though that i got some of Master’s pee in my mouth. This is not entirely new but the quantity was more than ever before.

As Master’s pee was pouring down on me i felt a sense of calm come to me, a feeling of being fully owned and loved. i love when She does it because it centers me in a way very little else does. On the surface it may seem like a degrading thing but i feel so wanted and cherished after She does it that to me it’s not at all degrading. After She was finished, She started the shower and allowed me to rinse off then kissed my face and praised me for being Her good girl.

i asked Master last night why She likes to mark me in this way. She told me it’s like claiming what is Hers, like a dog marking its territory. For Her (and i for that matter) it has nothing to do with piss play; it’s all about the power and control of being able to perform such an intimate act together. Everything that woman does goes back to having authority over me!

i asked Her last night How far She plans on pushing the peeing. She couldn’t give me an answer except to say that it probably won’t go back to the way it was before, which means that my face will now be the default location for marking. i’m going to need to grow some gills i guess!

On a semi related note two weekends ago our good friends were in the city for our monthly MAsT meeting and stayed with Master and i. Master made some popcorn for us (cause She makes it way better than i can). Lee, the Master of the couple (J) and i were in the kitchen while his slave (d) was in the bathroom. i don’t remember how exactly it happened but J was holding the bowl of popcorn, i was being bratty and trying to reach it from him and ended up spilling it all over the floor. Master made me get down on hands and knees and eat the popcorn straight off the floor. d came out of the bathroom while this was going on so i had all three of them watching me as i ate like an animal off the floor. And to top it all off Master was recording it. Both Master and J were using their feet to push the popcorn towards me (i hate feet!!!) i never really understood the whole public humiliation kink until then but now i think i do. It was kind of like a gangbang without the sex.

Speaking of sex, we are about half way through my orgasm denial/restriction. Since i wasn’t feeling well down there, this past week hasn’t been any action other than Master getting Herself off on me the other night which made me very horny. i can’t wait for this to be over, but to be honest, it’s not quite as bad as i thought it would be.

Well, i realize this is short but i have an appointment in an hour that i need to get ready for. Have a great day!

Used Goods

i am writing as i think today so apologize in advance :)

i am supposed to be doing chores right now but my back is sore for some reason so i thought i'd relax for a while and write before i start. Thursday afternoon on the bus to work i was trying to write out a few thoughts on my submission to Lee. i'm trying to write a few phrases that i can "meditate to" on my way home from work to help me refocus my attention to Her. i got a couple down but to be honest i was distracted by the ache in my abused pussy. Since the other day when i made the comment to Madam that i thought She possibly wasn't hitting as hard as She used to Madam seems to be giving me harder spankings and using me sexually more frequently (refer to my last post if you don't know what i'm talking about lol). Now i realize that it's only been a couple of days since but it has been a both wonderful and uncomfortable, painful and pleasurable, degrading and hot couple of days.

Part of it is that She has also not let me cum for the last two days. Last night i begged and begged Her for an orgasm to no avail. i don't know how long this denial will last for but i love and hate it! It keeps me "on" all the time, which is why i guess that some Dom/Dommes do it. i am so horny and have been since She started this. It has made me feel very insignificant knowing that my enjoyment isn't of concern.

Being used, i'm discovering, is a pretty big fetish of mine. Being fucked, not because the other person wants me so much but only because i have holes that will satisfy their primal need. That is part of what rape scenes are about to me, i could have been replaced by another woman and the rapist would have still done the same thing. Same with being a prostitute, the person fucking you calls the shots. We haven't done any sort of prostitution play to know if i am into it but i can see all the potential there!

i think it comes down to it feeling used = feeling owned to me. Lee owns me and therefore can
use me how ever She chooses. That means that i am Her prostitute, Her free prostitute i might add!, when She wants to fuck. Just like i am Her chef when She wants dinner, Her masseuse when she wants a massage. Don't read that wrong, i am in no way saying that i do not enjoy being Madam's prostitute, i am happily Her slut. :) i wouldn't trade it for all the tea in China. :)

Okay i think i should quit rambling and go and be productive now.

A Word of Caution.... :)

i am so excited!! Madam and i have been talking about wanting to try another rape scene! Am i a happy little sub?? Yes Ma'am, i am!! Oh!, the thought of being used against my will.... Back to the post ;)

She said that She is feeling more confident about being able to use the force necessary to control me and physically top me even if/when i'm fighting back. Why? Well a couple of reasons really... for instance, our sex in general has become rougher which means She knows how far She can push me. When we first tried to have a rape scene we had not even broached some of the edgier play that i would now consider to be part of our regular play. Also, She now believes me that i want and enjoy when it hurts, physically and emotionally... apparently smiling like an idiot when talking about it later is a good indicator that one enjoyed the activity being mentioned and i've been doing a lot of smiling after some fun stuff that's been going on in the bedroom lol!

But can i just put out a quick suggestion to fellow subs and say that it's never in your best interest to say anything along the lines of the following... "Either i have gotten used to Your spankings, Madam or You aren't hitting as hard as You used to." Not in your best interest, i do not suggest that one ever say that their Domme is not hitting "hard enough"... Especially when the answer you get is " No slut, i'm hitting you harder than before" accented with a look that tells me that was not the best i could have said. But those who know me will know that i do not have a filter at times. That, i believe is why got a spanking that had tears welling up in my eyes a bit last night. :) As well as other delicious things!


The only thing worse a sub could do would be to say they want to be used without being allowed to orgasm themselves for days possibly.... but we won't say that!

My Birthday Present(s)

So yesterday was my birthday and as i mentioned in my last post Lee had ordered me not to cum on Monday afternoon until She told me i could last night (after begging Her to let me!!). I have been filled with Her cock for periods of up to 4 hours at a time as well during this time and on Thursday i was feeling particularly masochistic and wore clothespegs on my nipples for a while in the afternoon as well. Needless to say i have been on edge for days! i begged and pleaded with Her every day to be able to orgasm to no avail. At times i though it wouldn't be worth the wait, that i could have orgasms between Monday and yesterday and my birthday orgasm would still be phenomenal, which was probably true, except that Lee has explicitly told me that if i disobeyed Her she would extend the denial time until our anniversary in just over two weeks. Two weeks is far too long, i could hardly manage 100 hours!!!

I spent the afternoon with a good friend. We went for a hike (gotta love Victoria!!, where else in Canada could one go hiking in January?), stopping along the trail to have a snack and a beer. It was really nice to see him and get out hiking which is something that i love and wish i could do more of.

Before leaving to go out for birthday dinner Lee filled me with Her cock. We don't have a car and let me tell you there has never been a more simulating bus ride had than last night's! lol Once we got home i opened my gifts from my family and from Lee.

She got me The Story of O and a collar with an engraved name tag that says elle de Lee. i love my new collar, i had gone with Her when She went shopping for it so She could make sure it looked good on and that i liked it too but i had no idea about the tag. It's beautiful and i love it so much. i know many other 24/7 subs don't wear a collar except when they are playing but i love to and feel somewhat lost and naked without it on (like when i have to go in public and cannot wear a scarf to cover it, especially without Lee). my old collar was one something that we had bought when we were just playing in the bedroom and was actually a kid's leather belt that we had found in a second hand store and cut down and drilled extra holes in. So the new one is more than just a beautiful gift from Lee but it is MY first collar/Her mark meant for only me. i am officially owned and collared by Madam now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After Lee locked it on (which my old one never did and i really wanted in a new one-lock, that is) i was kind of scared and nervous to see it so She lead me to the bathroom and made me close my eyes until i was positioned in front of the mirror the way She wanted and was commanded to open my eyes. Tears of overwhelming joy filled my eyes as i looked at myself wearing Her new mark. i was so proud that She thought i was worthy enough to have such a beautiful sign of Her ownership on me and that She chose my birthday to bless me with it.

Then we had cake. Now i love cake as much as the next gal, especially double chocolate fudge cake like that one was, but i could hardly taste it i was so high- i actually had some today and it tastes much better than i remember from last night!!

After we had cake, Madam led me into the bedroom and the fun really began. Madam started out with me having to count off 29 spankings, 29 canings and 29 thrusts of her cock. There was a whole bunch of other fun stuff between that and me begging Madam to put the clothespegs on my nipples, move Her cock into my ass and fuck my pussy with her finger. After a few minutes of experiencing all that She gave me permission to cum and i surprised myself by pushing Madam's face into my clit (i'm not sure if it surprised Madam as well but it's not something that i usually enjoy). So much stimulation all over my body, the pegs on my nipples Her cock in my ass, Her fingers in my pussy, Her tongue on my clit- i exploded hard! She had gagged me so i could scream and not have the neighbours hear, which was a good thing cause i'm sure they would have!! I became a whimpering pile of jello, twitching in aftershocks.

Was it worth the wait?? my answer is a most resounding YES it was definitely was. Madam has informed me that She intends to fill me again for days on end and deny me the pleasure of orgasm, this time probably for a longer period of time and without me knowing when release is coming. Do i want to do it again? Well, i must do as Madam wishes/commands but yes i would do it again in a heartbeat and She knows that.

Thank you Poppi for the most memorable birthday Your little girl could ask for. Every time i've heard the tag on my collar jingle or lowered my head and felt the still leather press into my chin and throat i think of how lucky this girl is to be owned by such a wonderful and loving woman as You.

Trying Times

Yesterday was probably the hardest day of my submissive life as of yet. But it was also one of my happiest, most owned feeling days too.

A bit of back story...
After cumming hard for Madam on Monday She informed me that i will not be orgasming again until my birthday which is Friday. For some that may not seem like a long time, and if She hadn't place the restriction on me it most likely wouldn't be for me either, but i am a highly sexual creature and just knowing that i can't orgasm makes me want it so much more (oh, the forbidden fruit!!!).

Ok on with the main story...
Madam decided that i should wear Her cock throughout the day while doing my tasks yesterday. Not constantly since it was my first time but on and off as i thought i could manage. i didn't think it would be too difficult, Her cock isn't overly long or thick, i'd say it's average sized. And besides that, it's not like it would be thrusting in and out of me right? So i gladly accepted the task, thinking it would make my day go by more quickly and enjoyably.

i had a late start on my morning as i had had a headache so it wasn't until about noon that i started my tasks. About 10 minutes in i remembered that i was supposed to have Her cock in me so i stopped what i was doing and went to "fill" myself. i went back to my tasks but much to my surprise the even simple act of walking caused Madam's cock to move around enough that i would feel it. i set a timer for 90 minutes and told myself that i only had to make it though that then it would be over.

But that isn't help. After about 30 minutes i was so aroused that i texted Madam begging Her to let me cum. i was told no. i sent another telling Her how bad my cunt was throbbing and how i needed a release but was told again no, i was not allowed to cum.

Ok... suck it up, i told myself and went about my tasks again. When the timer went off i decided to shower, shaving was one of my tasks for the day. The water running over my body never felt so good. The water trickled over my sensitive clit but rather than making me want to cum it almost felt like it was washing the need away. i started shaving and the need started to grow again. Shaving has always turned me somewhat but yesterday it was a hundred times more so than ever before. i managed to escape without disobeying Madam.

i knew though that if i were to try to refill myself then there was a good chance that i would explode from the feeling of Madam's cock pushing into my cunt. i didn't want to risk it so i took a break. It was so strange though, i felt so empty, alone and disused. The feeling of Madam's cock inside my cunt made me feel like she was using me even though she was at work. (yes i know she is using me when i am doing my tasks but i i mean more sexually, i guess)

Going about the rest of my tasks i felt achy and not in a good way. My labia and hole were being stretched longer than they were used to. The place between my thighs where the flared base rubbed was starting feel bruised but i felt used and completely owned. *sigh*

i met Madam at the grocery store after she got off work, with Her cock firmly inside me. When i told her that it was there she looked so pleased all of the day's discomfort was worth that moment!!

She took it out after She inspected my work on my tasks, including my shave job. Having Her hands run over my cunt while Her cock filled it was almost enough to send me over the edge but i managed to hold back to avoid disappointing her and Her denying me the right to orgasm until our anniversary towards the end of the month.

We had a quiet evening, just watched some TV, i did my weekly reading (an article about humiliation play and a poem, both found on the internet) and then She filled me again before i provided Her with Her nightly service (oral sex).We watched some more TV then off to bed where i received my maintenance spanking. Madam paused at 200 (half way) because was getting so aroused and let me calm down before finishing. Again i had a moment to calm myself before being ordered into display position where She pulled Her cock from my cunt. i almost orgasmed, it was so close!!

She ordered me into collar position but when i turned and knelt She was sitting on the edge of the bed naked with her legs open. Her pussy was right in my face. I shoved my face into it and began sucking Her clit and licking at Her hole ravenously. Like a starving animal, i went at her, not stopping until She pulled me off and ORDERED me into collar position. While i said my mantra in what was almost an indiscernible whisper i started to choke up. Madam asked me what was wrong and that started the flood of tears. i felt weak for begging to cum (it must be like an animal in heat) and for not being able to control my desires, for ignoring Her ordering me into position and rather satisfying my own needs.

At first i didn't want to tell Her why i was crying but after a minute i decided to open up. i admitted how i felt and told Her that i was just so badly in need of a release and that crying was the only way i could.

That was part of it, the other part that i see now looking back at it was that all day i had felt so owned and at that point my spanking was over, my cunt was empty and my collar was off. i had nothing.

Madam was so good to me. She encouraged me to let the tears fall as i needed, stroked my hair talked softly to me while my head lay in Her lap. After i had composed myself She asked me if i wanted wear my collar to bed and i don't think i have i ever beamed so widely in my life. It was exactly what i needed and this time i said my mantra proudly, looking in Her eyes like i'm supposed to. i asked permission then climbed onto my place in bed (i have a towel on my side of the bed to remind me of my place when i sleep).

This morning i feel somewhat empty, but not quite like i did yesterday when Madam's cock wasn't in me. Madam decided that today i would only be filled when she gets home from work unless i decided that i really want Her in me before that. So far i haven't and i don't think i will.
I absolutely love the feeling but i also know that my body needs time to rest and recover.

I cannot imagine how difficult it was for Madam to watch me cry on her lap knowing it was because of something She wanted me to do. i do know how much She loves and cares about me. i told her that i want to be made to wait and i do but i had no idea it would be this hard.

Thank you for owning my body Ma'am. your slut loves you