Since moving here our Ds has gone through many ups and downs. We were on a downwards slope leading up to moving and since getting here we haven't been able to really find our stride for more than a short stint at a time. I know we have both gone through times where we aren't really feeling it for ourselves and need the other to pick up the slack first, but it's kind of the chicken and the egg dilemma. I do better at Domming when elle is already in that slave frame of mind, and she can get there easier when I am showing My control over her. Yes as "The Domme" I guess it is up to Me, I am in charge after all, but is it totally weak Domme behaviour to ask her to help Me (us) get there? Probably. Though I have never fit the combat boots or stillettos of born-to-be Dommes so I guess I should just stick to My own comfy shoes instead.
Two weekends ago we had a great scene where I kicked her for the first time with My (combat, lol) boots on. It was great on both ends. She drifted away for a while which I haven't managed to get her to do in quite some time and she even asked if I might give her a repeat the next night because it was so good for her...I did. It was a fantastic three days and for a few days following she stayed more in her submissive mind frame. We are on a bit of an upswing at the moment where we find it easier to continue at least the smaller aspects of the dynamic and rules.
What makes it harder to continue and built upon this is a) Me being tired a good lot of the time even with sleeping pills b) a few days here and there of conflicting work schedules where we don't even see each other for a few days and c) unexpected moods that make it harder to judge how and where to assert Myself. Lately I have been more Daddy than Madam and we both feel that Madam just really doesn't suit our dynamic. I'm more of a sweet Daddy that makes her little girl feel better, a naughty Daddy that make her little girl feel better wink, wink, nudge, nudge, and a Daddy Domme or Lee that kicks, punches and slaps, ect, her slave. I have to figure out how to be a Daddy Domme in a non-physical way to bring that control into our daily lives and leave sweet and naughty to more specific occasions. I think I will shortly be changing My name on fetlife from MadamLee to something more fitting.
elle is now on her third of four evening shifts. Two where okay because they were on the weekend so we get the morning together as I'm off, but now I wont see her again until Wednesday after I'm off work. I do like My alone time as I'm sure she likes hers too, but I always feel after that I put even more pressure on Myself to step up to make up for the missed few days which usually means of course it doesn't happen and I beat Myself up more and then I go into more of a self loathing spiral for once again failing. This dynamic would flow a lot easier if we could both manage to take the pressure off ourselves and afforded ourselves the room to fumble. Maybe we will learn that in the years to come.
Anyway, before I started writing this, I read back through a number of the more recent posts that we had and I feel a bit more of a renewed belief that we did this fairy well before and we can again and I realized I really need to get back to writing as well because I really enjoyed working on the story I put a brief excerpt from in here.
Well, not really anything juicy to this post, but I plan to update frequently and to have elle doing so as well. Come on back soon and I'll try to make it more worth your while;) Perhaps I will give elle some new writing assignments too.
