Orgasm Denial and Our Plans for the February long weekend

Three nights ago i had my last orgasm until the February long weekend (the 13-15^th) when Master and i will be attempting a cutting scene again. She will still be using me as Her sex toy during that time but i won’t be allowed to cum. We have set up a punishment structure for if i do go too far and not stop Lee in time. This kind of falls in line with the cuckqueaning idea that we have been fantasizing about. But since Lee doesn’t have a replacement for me and She still has “needs that need fulfilling”, She has continued to fuck me.

i’ve never fully talked about why i want to be cucked and to be honest i’m still not entirely sure why i want it. i think part of it for me is that i love to share what i love. If i am eating something delicious, i want to share it with my table mates. If i know some delightful tidbit of info i want to share it with Lee. i think cucking is kinda the same idea. i love being fucked by Lee and want to share that wonderful experience with another woman (or women, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves here!!!) . i also love the humiliation and degrading aspects of being made to watch another woman get to have sex and possibly be beaten by my wife. i want to have a relationship with her too, someone that i could be close to and maybe have a bit of sexy fun together on occasion (to amuse Master, of course!). i also am torn with a love/hate feeling of fully giving up control of something so personal, control of my sexuality. One day down the line i’d love it if Master put me a chastity belt, or i had a piercing done similar to pictures i’ve seen. Don’t get me wrong, right now Master has complete control but having a device of some sort is a very real physical reminder that is hard to ignore so you are constantly reminded that your sex is owned by another person. Hot but scary all at the same time.

Lee and i have role-played me being someone else, Her cuckcake. There is a part of me that enjoys the thought of being the cuckcake too. i have had fantasy snippets of getting to be the one having sex with Lee and having another person be cucked. Co-topping in a scene (not “outside the bedroom”) with me being in a more supportive role rather than a full-fledged “Top” is what i picture, which is in line with what i just mentioned. i did enjoy parts of topping when Lee and i first started out and i topped Her but now i don’t have any desire to do those kinds of things to Her for real, despite the jokes that i might make to Master once in a while. Sometimes i do get turned on by the idea of being the top in a scene with someone other than Lee though and Lee and i have briefly talked in the past about me playing with someone else but nothing has ever been pursued.

On the topic of the cutting, those that know me or have read enough of this blog know i have a history of self-harm, primarily cutting. Lee and i want to work through this limit as it has limited our play. i really want to be able to allow my Master to do anything that She wants and right now i can’t do that. We are planning a whole weekend of events for this and chose this specific day being that we both have the time off that we can have two days after just in case i have a reaction like last time. We’ve talked about renting a nice hotel room for the night and having a staycation day on the Sunday but we haven’t planned anything quite yet. i’ll fill in the details next time i write.

Well, that’s all that’s swirling around in my head right now. Except that we just passed the sixth anniversary of our first date! That’s crazy, it feels both far too short of a time and at the same time too long ago!

Getting Beaten

Yesterday afternoon Madam went to a couple of workshops about topping. Last night Lee played with me using some of the techniques She learned. Instead of using toys, She used Her body to give me pain.  The feelings that it evoked were amazing. It's almost indescribable. Such a juxtaposition of feelings. i felt safe  by the woman who was kicking me, loved by the woman punching me, cherished by the woman who was pulling my hair. She had ordered me to keep my eyes closed, which She praised me for doing so well, and that had a two-fold effect on me. The first being that i was very on edge about what was going to happen. The second thing was that i really noticed Her perfume on Her wrists when She had Her hands on my throat, my sense of smell was heightened a bit i guess.

Once She was done beating me, we laid on the floor for a while and it took me a while to process what we had done. After a bit i noticed the stirring in my loins, i was very turned on. While we were actively playing i was too wrapped up in the feelings of pain to notice but now that i had "come down" they were front and center. Madam started to kiss me and we ended up having hot sex right there on the floor where we had collapsed to after playing.

We moved into our bed as it was late and had a short post-play chat about how we each felt about the new techniques and such.  When i started to get sleepy Madam turned the lights off and i snuggled up behind my protector and drifted to sleep with a big smile on my face.

 It has been a while since we have had a "good scene" (that doesn't sound right but i can't think of how to word it differently). I think it had a very positive effect on me, today i feel more submissive than in the recent past. And that's definitely a good thing.

Birthday Bash

This weekend was amazing!!! It was Sagacity's 11th Birthday Bash and Lee and i had a great time!!!

Friday night there was a Formal and Fetish meet and greet party that was supposed to have an amazing MindFuck presentation that had to be cancelled due to bylaw restrictions. The alternate was still good but i had been looking forward to seeing the Mindfuck as i had heard that the past ones had been a thrill.

During the day on Saturday there were workshops. The presenters were super; knowledgeable, funny (when appropriate, of course), informative, everything that you want someone who you have to listen to talk for an hour or more to be.  Lee and i attended the 101 and 201 energy workshops, command and control (it dealt a lot with building trust), vaginal fisting, resistance play (brats, interrogations, takedowns/kidnapping and rape play) and fear play workshops.  i think my favourite workshop was either resistance play or command and control.

We won a few prizes from the silent auction, a pair of red lambskin fingerless gauntlets (aka "Vixen Sleeves") from a local corset maker, a rubber paddle from a local paddle maker and a gift basket with a rubber slapper, leather slapper, 2 glass dildos, a book of BDSM erotica and some clit stimulation sprays. The value of the items that we won was about $300 and we got them all for $154!!! Lee also bought a stem ball gag like this one.

Saturday night was the play party. It was in the penthouse floor of the hotel which offered beautiful city views, if you could look past the gorgeous people having so much fun ;) The fact that it was in the penthouses made it that there were many stations but they were divided into many rooms which made it feel more private and cosy than the wide open dungeon space. Lee even mentioned that if more play parties were set up like this She could see us playing at one in the future, which surprised me.  i wore the gauntlets to the party as they matched my outfit quite nicely. What i didn't think of until after i had them on was that they prevented me from being able to bend my elbows….which meant that  i had to have Lee pour my drinks in my mouth and feed  me my snack! Sometimes She would tease me and start to pour but not actually give me even a drop, sometimes She would pour so much that i was worried that it would choke me. I think She got quite a bit of fun out of it! It kept me in a submissive mind frame very well, to the point that i started drifting off a bit when Madam kissed me passionately.

Before leaving the hotel, Lee told me that we weren't going to play (She had been drinking), which, i was kind of sad about but completely understood. But She did say that She was okay to fuck me. By the time we got home and unwound for a few minutes  Madam had "sobered up" and changed Her mind. She hauled me up off the couch to the bedroom. There i was photographed before  Madam began using one of Her new toys on me. i have nicknamed the rubber slapper the "Caramel-Coloured Fuck Stick". That damned thing stings!! i got hit from head to toe pretty much by the C-CFS and i will say that there is nowhere that it touched that it felt nice. It did, for some reason,  make me very wet though! Which Madam proceeded to make me lick off Her finger. She then filled my ass with Her cock and fucked it while slapping it with C-CFS. After an explosive orgasm, i was undressed, Madam spread my thighs straddled my pussy . We don't scissor often, i'm not sure why that is. It was so amazing to feel Her heat and wetness mixing with mine. i hope that we do it more often.

One thing that i love so much about Madam is how much care She shows me after either sex or play. She hold me and kisses me and tells me She loves me. She is gentle and sweet, She doesn't rush me or get upset if it takes me longer to come down than usual. At the party last night, we saw a "top" that wasn't like that at all . There was no aftercare and the "top" was, what i thought, rude to the "bottom" to the point of almost being disrespectful. It was quite clear to both Lee and i that the "bottom" needed some  time to recover, some reassurance, something, anything. We avoided the room that they were playing in because we don't like their style of play or dynamic to begin with (we've seen them play together before). When i saw that they were finished their scene, i thought it was safe to go in the room. When i saw the lack of aftercare i was almost appalled to the point where i wanted to go over and hold the poor "bottom". Even during one of the daytime workshops, the "top" had volunteered the "bottom" to demo something that clearly the "bottom" wasn't interested in doing and, in front of the whole group, the "top" stated to the "bottom" "Don't embarrass me". The "bottom" wasn't doing anything to warrant a comment like that. (i don't know how these people identify which is part of the reason that i used the quotation marks and i clearly avoided gendered pronouns to avoid giving details that could indicate who these people are).

And before anyone jumps in that every couple is allowed to have their own style and negotiate about aftercare, yes, i do agree but even if you're not into aftercare or you're not a touchy-feely kind of person the "top" should still be kind in the way that he/she speaks to their "bottom", especially after a scene. Okay, i could clearly rant on about this for quite some time but i need to get some stuff done around here today! LOL!!

i am Her slave

i think last night Madam was teaching me what it means to be Her slave. I think She pretty much succeeded.

Last night was supposed to be a play night, we were going to have a high protocol scene. I met Madam at work, dressed in a short black skirt , a pink lacy camisole-style top with my pink and orange high heels. We talked and got caught up a bit since we hadn't seen each other since Thursday. Madam asked me if i wanted to or if I'd just prefer we just hang out on the couch and snuggle since it was our only night together this week due to work schedules. i told Her that i'd like to just snuggle and maybe have some "fun in the bedroom" (hint, hint!!). After dinner I served us some coffee and the last of the peach blueberry crisp that i had made on Thursday (that didn't take long to go through, next time i'll have to make a double!!).

Not long after we finished dessert Madam started grabbing at me, my ass, my boobies, what ever She could get Her hands on really. Since my skirt was so short, it made it pretty easy for Her to see and grab at my neither regions. i kept jokingly pushing Her away and telling Her "No!". We played like this for a while the intensity kept building, She started holding my hands back and i kept egging Her on. At some point i managed to sneak free and ran into the kitchen, grabbed a spatula and started swinging. She met my spatula with a whisk and we had a "sword fight" with our kitchen utensils. Eventually She wrestled the spatula away from me and managed to pin me to the ground on my hands and knees. She started spanking me, i crawled away and got up but She followed. We played cat and mouse for a few minutes then somehow i ended up back on my hands and knees pinned to the ground.

She asked me who i was, i replied with my full name. "No! you are slave elle, sometimes just slave" i believe was Her answer. She asked again, and again i replied with my full name. i was being a defiant little slave, i wasn't going to give in without a fight. We went back and forth a few times like this until She announced that She was going to teach me my place and yanked up my skirt and pulled my pink lace panties down to my ankles. She shoved Her fingers ruthlessly into my pussy while telling me who i was to Her. my no's fell on deaf ears. i managed to break free again but not for long and soon i was back on the ground on my knees and face. Her fingers violently entered first my pussy again then as Madam put it "to teach me that both my holes are for Her to use when and how She wants" my ass. She only stopped when She heard the reply She wanted "i am slave elle and you are Master Lee". My pussy was sore but my clit was throbbing…. and soaking wet!!As i lay on the floor of the living room quivering and coming down, my loving Master covered me with a blanket, fed me chocolate and laid with me until i was okay again.

Then i asked Her something that i think surprised Her…"will You make love to me?" and of course She agreed. We moved into our bedroom and She held me in Her strong arms while we made love and i climaxed over and over again. I felt so close to Her, so loved, so wanted.

We talked for a bit about what happened. Lee admitted that non-consent has become much easier for Her, that She no longer feels guilty for forcing Herself upon me, which i'm glad to hear. i apologized for trying to get Her to "rape" me when we started this thing we do, when She wasn't comfortable.

Why do i think She was trying to teach me what it means to be Her slave? i can't really explain it, it's just a feeling i have but i'll try. i think it helped me surrender not only my body but my heart and soul to her. The resistance to giving up total control that i feel sometimes seems to have shed another layer and i am getting that much closer to being a better slave for my Master. She held my very life in Her hands and used that power to reinforce how much She loves me by showing that She wants to control me. She wants to control me because She wants to make sure that i am making the right choices, that i am safe and that i am well taken care of. By controlling me She shows me that She loves me, in a similar way that a parent does with a young child.Does any of this make sense? i hope so cause i don't know if i can explain it any better! lol

Well, i've got to go start getting ready for work.

Thank you Ma'am for a night i will never forget! i love You!!!

A Word of Caution.... :)

i am so excited!! Madam and i have been talking about wanting to try another rape scene! Am i a happy little sub?? Yes Ma'am, i am!! Oh!, the thought of being used against my will.... Back to the post ;)

She said that She is feeling more confident about being able to use the force necessary to control me and physically top me even if/when i'm fighting back. Why? Well a couple of reasons really... for instance, our sex in general has become rougher which means She knows how far She can push me. When we first tried to have a rape scene we had not even broached some of the edgier play that i would now consider to be part of our regular play. Also, She now believes me that i want and enjoy when it hurts, physically and emotionally... apparently smiling like an idiot when talking about it later is a good indicator that one enjoyed the activity being mentioned and i've been doing a lot of smiling after some fun stuff that's been going on in the bedroom lol!

But can i just put out a quick suggestion to fellow subs and say that it's never in your best interest to say anything along the lines of the following... "Either i have gotten used to Your spankings, Madam or You aren't hitting as hard as You used to." Not in your best interest, i do not suggest that one ever say that their Domme is not hitting "hard enough"... Especially when the answer you get is " No slut, i'm hitting you harder than before" accented with a look that tells me that was not the best i could have said. But those who know me will know that i do not have a filter at times. That, i believe is why got a spanking that had tears welling up in my eyes a bit last night. :) As well as other delicious things!


The only thing worse a sub could do would be to say they want to be used without being allowed to orgasm themselves for days possibly.... but we won't say that!

i didn't realize how much i have miss our "sexy" time

The last two nights have been wonderful. Madam and i haven’t had much time together lately because i worked a lot, 6 out of 7 days and all but one were evenings, which means that by the time i get home at 12:15 or so Lee is in bed. Soooo, Tuesday and Wednesday we had to play catch up, if you know what i mean!!!

Tuesday was a busy day getting caught up on errands and starting on tidying up the apartment for Wednesday. In the evening, we went to the Sagacity gathering, which we were later getting to than we wanted because Lee decided to play with the massage setting on the shower head!! It had been a long day so “play” was supposed to be just a bit of a bare hand spanking but i was feeling feisty and we ended up wrestling and turned it into a light take down scene that was yum-yum-yummy!

Wednesday was supposed to start out with us going to the community center to go to the gym and yoga but we decided to stay in bed and have a private work-out, if you catch my drift!! At about quarter to one we finally got out of bed and i made us some bacon and eggs for what i guess was technically lunch at that point then the dinner and apartment preparations began in earnest. i had a friend coming for dinner that i hadn’t seen in over a year. She called about 15 minutes before she was supposed to arrive and said that she was going to be about 2 hours late. This gave Lee and i time for another romp since she was conveniently already in the bedroom. Wednesday night after my friend left i got a delightful beating and fucking. i won’t go into all the details but it ended with me on my back with my knees up to my chest while Madam pulled me by the collar head towards her, think ab crunches and you kinda get the picture. This had a wonderful twofold sensation of adding the internal push on my g-spot moving it into a more accessible spot for the dildo to get as well as the feeling of being held/forced to hold the position. It was both sexually and emotionally so intense that after cumming when ordered to i began to cry.

i would just like to say that i’m sure that i have the best Domme when it comes to aftercare (as well as many other things)! She holds me, pets the bridge of my nose and tells me what a good girl i was, how much she loves me and all sorts of other wonderful things. She tells me to let it out when cry and holds me the whole time. If She has a shirt on, She pulls it off so i can have the skin-on-skin contact that makes me feel so close and warms me up. i don’t know how She does it but She seems to know just what i need at that moment.

Lee has finished making our new rules, rituals and protocols so as soon as we have time to go over them i will get them posted, hopefully this weekend.

Well, i know this is a bit shorter than usual but i have stuff that i need to get going on so it’ll have to do. We are going to the opera tonight, the last show in our season tickets :( and i need go get a pair of scrub pants to go with the top Lee bought me on Tuesday. And i have an apartment that has been sorely neglected so i best catch up on a few chores. Plus i wanted to organize and make a list of what’s in the emergency kit so we can top up what ever is low/missing. Oh and i wanted to pull out my spring/summer clothes, i’m hoping that’ll induce spring to come and actually stay. And i was hoping to get my hiking boots cleaned and waxed…. Somehow i don’t think all of that is happening today.

Tipping the Velvet

Posted March 26/11
Warning: this post may get a bit TIM. i’m going to talk about cunnilingus, eating out, going down, muff diving, tipping the velvet, what ever you want to call it so please be prepared to read some possibly graphic descriptions of Madam’s and my sex life. Well then, on with the show…

i don’t get it. Why do i have such problems with Madam diving into my muff?!?

There are times when i love and want Madam to go down on me and i really, truly enjoy it. About 99.5% of the time that is after She’s been fucking me other ways and i am extremely turned on.

i am not embarrassed about Her seeing my naked body. Although being examined is a bit humiliating but i am okay with it. (i like some humiliation in a scene, it helps put me into a more submissive head space)

i have never really enjoyed oral sex, though i have never told a partner until Lee. In the past i just tried to divert the person or fake an orgasm really quickly to get it over with if the diversion techniques didn't prove to be successful. i have a sensitive clit and often the sensation of a tongue on it tickles or just feels generally unpleasant. i guess that’s part of it. i physically don’t enjoy it. But that’s only part of it cause as i said a second ago there are times that i do enjoy it immensely.

Another bit is what i think every woman worries about, am i clean enough right now? Do i smell, do i taste bad, etc.? Also i wonder if i’m clean shaven enough or if I’m going to feel like a cactus. i have never had anyone tell me that i have any of said problems but those thoughts run through my head every time. Sometimes in a scene Madam does tell me that She can smell me and i find that to be incredibly humiliating/embarrassing.

The last part of the problem is being submissive. If i’m not 100% into the head space of my body belongs to Madam and She may do as She pleases with it then i feel very unsubmissive.

Lee and i have new rules, etc. that we decided to focus on. One thing She told me that was part of it was that She wants to train me to accept and enjoy Her going down on me because She enjoys “tasting me” as She put it. When She told me this i think my face went white. i really wasn't happy about the prospect of Her being down there more frequently but She did agree to take it slow and try to make sure that i was already aroused before heading south. So i agreed. But really what choice did i have? After all she is in charge.

We had been planning on playing last night for a couple of days now but the scene that Madam had been planning wasn't going to work so She had to switch to Plan B. Plan B was a game of me begging to switch activities, She was going to continue to do something until i sufficiently begged Her to switch. i had to beg
Her for a specific activity and implement. For example, She smacked my ass and thighs with a wide blade plastic spatula (that i had originally bought for flipping pancakes and other large items but i didn't end up liking so it got repurposed lol!) and i had to beg Her to switch to flogging my back with a light flogger.

Sorry i got a bit off topic there for a second. The reason that i tell you about the scene is because Madam decided that She would pick the first activity, She was going to go down on me. i was told that i could start to beg for the next thing as soon as Her tongue hit my cunt so i immediately decided what it would be even before i laid down. i really didn't want Her to be “there” because i had just gone pee ( and She knew that) but i thought that i only had to endure it a short time so i didn't protest. But as soon She started to make her way to my clit i got so overwhelmed that i couldn't remember what i was going to ask for or any other activity… all i knew was that i wanted Her to stop licking me. i managed to get out “please” but when Madam said “please what?” i was stuck. “Please anything” as the flood of tears poured down my cheeks. After She calmed me down somewhat we talked for a bit. i got myself under control and we then got to playing and ended the night well.

But that doesn't mean that i still don’t feel guilty about making Lee feel bad. i think that my dislike of cunnilingus is getting worse and i don’t know how to reverse that trend. i have already decided that if we were to play with others it would be a hard limit. i worry that it’ll become one with Madam too and i really don’t want that because i want to be as open and available for Her as she wants. i don’t want to have limits with Her.

Stuck in a Rut

Lee and i have had a couple of conversations about Her being unsure about what to do in a scene in the last few days (when we have played recently She seems to get fixated on one activity and focuses the entire scene around it). We were talking about why this is happening and She told me that She feels like She has to come up with new things every time or at least new ways of doing things we have done before. She admitted that She gets overwhelmed with the idea of coming up with new ideas which makes it even harder for Her to come with ideas.

i told Her that i don’t expect things to be new each time we play, that eventually we’ll run out of things to do if that were the case. For me the problem that i see is that, as i mentioned She does one thing to the exclusion of everything else. For example, the other day i told Her that i had been craving a hard beating and the play that ensued was me laying face down and Her paddling my ass.

i feel like i am sounding ungrateful for what She does give me but i do think that i have the right to say when our play is not “meeting my needs” so to speak.

In trying to help Her i started listing off scene ideas and i can’t remember them all but i thought I’d list them again here so we have a written list that we can go back to and say “oh yeah, we had mentioned trying that”. So the list that follows is some of the suggestions for playing that i/we came up with and any other that i think of as i write.

• interrogation-one of us write a number (or something else) on a slip of paper. Madam has X amount of time to get me to say what it is... more of a mindfuck if She was the one to write the secret
• "the numbers game"-roll a die/dice of in some other way choose a number. Do that number of activities for that number of minutes each (ie: rolled a 5 so do 5 activities; tickle with a feather, cane, make me give oral sex, ice play, bare hand spank)
• Roleplay
• Theme scene-pick one type of activity and do it in many variations (ie: sensation play-tickle, ice, warm/hot wax, scratching, sandpaper) (ie: impact play-laying and standing, bound and free, hard and soft with various implements)
• Training- go through the positions, giving a few seconds to get into it 100% correctly or "punish". If feet are not correct, cane them, ass not sticking up quite high enough, spank it, etc
• Set up stations/activities around the apartment, have each room be a subscene

This next list is some things that we have done before that i enjoyed/want to try again

• Figging
• Fisting
• Rape/resistance play-the more i think about it the more i think it's the struggle/resistance/fight that i love, running away and being "caught", that kind of thing
• Knife play/cutting
• Orgasm denial, both extended and in a scene
• Puppy play
• Face slapping

She also posted a question on the ask a Dominant board on Fetlife seeing if She could get any suggestions on keeping the idea wheel running. Hopefully She'll get some good ideas there.

Have you got a suggestion as to how we can keep Lee from feeling stuck in a rut? Please leave a comment, we'd be more than grateful for the help ;)

My Birthday Present(s)

So yesterday was my birthday and as i mentioned in my last post Lee had ordered me not to cum on Monday afternoon until She told me i could last night (after begging Her to let me!!). I have been filled with Her cock for periods of up to 4 hours at a time as well during this time and on Thursday i was feeling particularly masochistic and wore clothespegs on my nipples for a while in the afternoon as well. Needless to say i have been on edge for days! i begged and pleaded with Her every day to be able to orgasm to no avail. At times i though it wouldn't be worth the wait, that i could have orgasms between Monday and yesterday and my birthday orgasm would still be phenomenal, which was probably true, except that Lee has explicitly told me that if i disobeyed Her she would extend the denial time until our anniversary in just over two weeks. Two weeks is far too long, i could hardly manage 100 hours!!!

I spent the afternoon with a good friend. We went for a hike (gotta love Victoria!!, where else in Canada could one go hiking in January?), stopping along the trail to have a snack and a beer. It was really nice to see him and get out hiking which is something that i love and wish i could do more of.

Before leaving to go out for birthday dinner Lee filled me with Her cock. We don't have a car and let me tell you there has never been a more simulating bus ride had than last night's! lol Once we got home i opened my gifts from my family and from Lee.

She got me The Story of O and a collar with an engraved name tag that says elle de Lee. i love my new collar, i had gone with Her when She went shopping for it so She could make sure it looked good on and that i liked it too but i had no idea about the tag. It's beautiful and i love it so much. i know many other 24/7 subs don't wear a collar except when they are playing but i love to and feel somewhat lost and naked without it on (like when i have to go in public and cannot wear a scarf to cover it, especially without Lee). my old collar was one something that we had bought when we were just playing in the bedroom and was actually a kid's leather belt that we had found in a second hand store and cut down and drilled extra holes in. So the new one is more than just a beautiful gift from Lee but it is MY first collar/Her mark meant for only me. i am officially owned and collared by Madam now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After Lee locked it on (which my old one never did and i really wanted in a new one-lock, that is) i was kind of scared and nervous to see it so She lead me to the bathroom and made me close my eyes until i was positioned in front of the mirror the way She wanted and was commanded to open my eyes. Tears of overwhelming joy filled my eyes as i looked at myself wearing Her new mark. i was so proud that She thought i was worthy enough to have such a beautiful sign of Her ownership on me and that She chose my birthday to bless me with it.

Then we had cake. Now i love cake as much as the next gal, especially double chocolate fudge cake like that one was, but i could hardly taste it i was so high- i actually had some today and it tastes much better than i remember from last night!!

After we had cake, Madam led me into the bedroom and the fun really began. Madam started out with me having to count off 29 spankings, 29 canings and 29 thrusts of her cock. There was a whole bunch of other fun stuff between that and me begging Madam to put the clothespegs on my nipples, move Her cock into my ass and fuck my pussy with her finger. After a few minutes of experiencing all that She gave me permission to cum and i surprised myself by pushing Madam's face into my clit (i'm not sure if it surprised Madam as well but it's not something that i usually enjoy). So much stimulation all over my body, the pegs on my nipples Her cock in my ass, Her fingers in my pussy, Her tongue on my clit- i exploded hard! She had gagged me so i could scream and not have the neighbours hear, which was a good thing cause i'm sure they would have!! I became a whimpering pile of jello, twitching in aftershocks.

Was it worth the wait?? my answer is a most resounding YES it was definitely was. Madam has informed me that She intends to fill me again for days on end and deny me the pleasure of orgasm, this time probably for a longer period of time and without me knowing when release is coming. Do i want to do it again? Well, i must do as Madam wishes/commands but yes i would do it again in a heartbeat and She knows that.

Thank you Poppi for the most memorable birthday Your little girl could ask for. Every time i've heard the tag on my collar jingle or lowered my head and felt the still leather press into my chin and throat i think of how lucky this girl is to be owned by such a wonderful and loving woman as You.

The Writing On my Back

The other night Lee and i got to play (that's what we call our bedroom fun-if you get what i mean!!). It started off with me stripping naked, massaging her feet and redoing her toenail polish. Then she made me lay at Her feet while she read. It was difficult to just lay there and not think- my brain just kept wanting to plan stuff, what are we having for dinner tomorrow?, what chores/tasks do i need to work on?, is the gash on my finger going to turn into an ugly scar?.... but every time it happened i just kept repeating my verse. What's my verse you ask, well i will try to remember to add it at the end of this post. i wrote it the other day cause i was starting to feel like i wanted something to repeat when i felt like i was drifting away from my service mind frame. i am also repeating it to Lee each morning when She marks me (puts on my collar) and each night when She takes it off. But i digress...back to playing....

So after i got to lay at Madam's feet for some time she got up and left me lying on the floor in the living room. i could hear Her in our bedroom rummaging around and was pretty sure that we were going to play soon. i started to get excited!! She came up behind me and put a blindfold over my eyes and clipped a leash on my collar. i was ordered to crawl to our bedroom then kneel while She went to get the rest of what She needed to play. Madam happens to enjoy photography so photos of me blindfolded and kneeling were in order. After the photography session was finished i was ordered to put in ear plugs and told not to speak. She then pulled me up on the bed and pushed me down to lie flat on my stomach.

Madam gave me some warm up spanks with Her hands then started to scratch my back, ass and thighs with what i now know was a bamboo skewer. Oh it was one of the most delightful feelings, it was stingy like the cane but sharper, more concentrated. She alternated that with dripping melted ice on me which i didn't like at all and squirmed and tried to cover myself which lead to being cuffed and restrained. i'm not sure why i reacted so strongly to the ice, we have used ice in play before and quite enjoyed it but not this time for some reason...

The best part of the night came when i got a whiff of a Sharpie pen for a split second. i had told Madam before that i wanted her to write on me and was secretly thrilled while i could feel the pen being dragged across my skin. Then back to the scratching, spanking and ice.

She made me roll over onto my back and continued the scratching and ice torture. Even though She had told me to be silent i begged for Her to stop every time i felt a drop of the ice water hit my skin. i felt the tip of the skewer on my nipples and would have sworn that She was trying to get it to pierce them. The next thing i knew the skewer was trying to turn my clit into shishkebab. At first i thought i was going to cry it was so painful then all the sudden i could feel the familiar sensation of an orgasm building but i wasn't allowed to speak and Madam hadn't given me permission to cum so i sucked back the orgasm and tried to ride out the wave.

That's when i drifted off into a deeper sub space, a place where i don't go to very often. Madam told me after we had finished playing that i became almost unresponsive. Unfortunately she didn't recognize what had happened as me going deep and decided to end our session. The jarring out of deep space was hard. It took me a while to really understand that the scene was over. i was sad and somewhat disappointed that She pulled me out of such a warm wonderful place. It wasn't her fault, we are learning together and She thought something was wrong so i am glad that She did what She did for that reason. i just hope that She will soon be able to recognize it and give me the opportunity to experience it more.

I pointed out to her after i had come down more that she didn't do anything about the fact that i had been begging her to stop with the ice even though She had told me not to speak. She told me that She enjoyed hearing me beg too much to put a stop to it. i have learned something new about my Madam, i didn't know that She likes to hear me beg!!

She showed me the pictures that She took... i love the look of the writing on me. She had written "Owned by" on my back kinda between my shoulders and "Madam Lee" on my ass cheeks.

The writing on me left me feeing very owned and little almost all day yesterday. i guess it didn't help that Lee and i went to Wal-mart to get some stuff that i need to make my task chart and we looked for a pillow that i can use to kneel on while waiting at the door when She comes home from work and while servicing Her.

Well the new year is almost here. This year has been amazing, i finished met the woman of my dreams, finished nursing school and finally opened up about my desire to be owned. i hope that next year is just as great!!

As for my verse i guess it's kind of my submission/service mantra. It is

All i am belongs to Madam

May my service be pleasing to Her

i proudly wear Her mark as a sign of Her ownership of me

Heart, body, mind and soul

i love you Lee, my Poppi

Feeling Owned

Wednesday was Lee's day off. We were laying in bed relaxing before getting up for the day when She started to play with my nipples. After getting them hard She moved to my clit. After a minute or two i asked Her to put mark me (put Her collar on me). She told me to get into collar position- kneeling up, head bowed and arms behind my back. After She had it in place, She lifted my chin, kissed my lips hard and started to play with my clit again. In that moment i felt little. Then she told me not to close my eyes, to look into her eyes when i came. She held my head in her free hand and if i closed my eyes She kinda shook it and told me to open my eyes.

That made the owned feeling grow tenfold. i always thought to feel under Her control sexually i have to be bound in some way, helpless, unable to escape. In a way i guess i was.

i took longer to climax than usual, which isn't a bad thing cause i can be a hairpin trigger, if you know what i mean but when the waves of my orgasm took over my body my eyes were looking straight into Madam's.

It was emotionally intense. i have nothing of my own, i turn all of my being over to my Madam. Even my orgasms belong to her. i am totally owned.

i collapsed onto her chest and sobbed while she stroked my head.

Yesterday just before bed Lee and i started fooling around. i thought that we were just going to have vanilla sex until she pushed me onto our bed and climbed on top of me. We made out for a bit before she ordered me to undress for her. While i was stripping she told me that she wanted to bury Her face in my pussy... which i'm not terribly fond of (i love doing it to her but i feel awkward/embarrassed when it's done to me). i guess you could call it a soft limit but one that we are working on trying to overcome.

i kept telling myself that my body is for Her enjoyment. After a while i started to get into it more until she decided to try going further down and bean to lick my ass. That was the first time she has done that and i almost started crying i felt so embarrassed but at the same time it felt good.

Again i felt owned, that Madam was going to take pleasure in my body any She wanted.

In the end She penetrated my pussy with Her strong fingers and filled me while she sucked my clit until i gave Her the pleasure of my orgasm. After i came she continued to suck my clit, which made me feel owned on another level (i get very sensitive after orgasm and it is very uncomfortable for me to have my clit stimulated). But i stopped myself from pushing Her off like i would have done a few months ago and let Her continue until She was finished with me.

Thank you Madam for pushing me to explore my limits and for taking pleasure in your little slut.

i love you Poppi!!!!!!!