Fisting and Rape Play

Play this weekend was fantastic, though it unfortunately didn't start off that way. About ten minutes into our first scene, the leather slapper that I was using wrapped too far around My girl's inner thigh and triggered her. As on a previous occasion she was unable to get out her safe word. She just can't manage to make the word audible when needed, so it took Me about thirty seconds to a minute (I think) to clue in that her crying was not due to the physical pain I was delivering. I stopped immediately to check in and could tell things were not right. She did not move and was just frozen, though crying hard.

I cuddled her and talked to her and eventually she calmed back down. I feel so bad when something like that happens, though accidents obviously do occur. It scares Me that it is now very obvious that when she needs to safe word out she is unable to. After an hour or so of talking and cuddling she seemed free of the trigger. Thankfully no lasting effects this time around. I'm sure it helped that we both knew the next day we had all day together. Once we were calm, in that small little whisper she uses when she is confessing a desire she asked Me to fist her!

We have attempted fisting before and almost gotten there, but this time I made it all the way in and Oh My Goodness! Wow! She was so tight around My fist My fingers were going to sleep. It is quite an amazing feeling and sight to be wrist deep in a tight, wet cunt. That is definitely in the plans to be repeated again and again. Obviously it made her a little tender and say "hell no!" to giving birth, lol. There's some effective birth control for you!

The next day, again in that little whisper elle requested to be raped while she was sore and to be pushed in ways until she begged Me to stop. So later that night we played. After a pretty good struggle that landed Me with some good marks from her :) I managed to get her tied down to the bed. I used her sore hole pretty well, but didn't want to cause too much trauma. She very much does not like when I go down on her, but at the same time wants to learn to tolerate it for My enjoyment so I took this as the perfect opportunity to rape her in a more psychological way and push her limits, while still using My cock in her. It didn't take long for her body to betray her and after forcing an extended clitoral orgasm she was able to use her signal to tell Me she had enough (she was gagged so begging wasn't exactly possible.) During aftercare one of our cats laid down on her stomach and almost instantly she seemed much calmer. Kitty cuddles are very relaxing.

All in all it was a great weekend of playing and reconnecting, even with the stumble of triggering her.

On another note, I seem to be sleeping better. The last few nights, I've had a sleep CD playing during the night. It apparently activates the brainwaves that are supposed to help you fall asleep and stay asleep. So far I think it is going all right and yesterday the wall of exhaustion did not make an appearance, even after hours of housework, today it's still to be seen. I'm feeling very good after the weekend.

Thoughts on Sex and Being a Slut

Last night Lee and i were playing around... actually i was tickling Her and joking that She wasn't a very tough Domme if Her meek little sub (not!!! lol) was able to overpower and tickle Her until She was red in the face and could hardly breath...well, She decided to show me how powerful She was and hauled me to the floor by my hair. i ended up on my knees and face, with my ass sticking out so that it was easily accessible for what ever She fancied, which last night happened to be seeing how much of Her hand would fit inside me while telling me all about how She was going to have me fucked in every hole by as many people as She could get.

Having my pussy filled and stretched was HOT HOT HOT!!! And hearing Madam tell me about all the fat cocks that She was going to get to fill me, the pussies She'd shove my face into, OH MY GOD!!! The thought of being used with no thought of my pleasure turns me on immensely. Thnking of being "the holes" in a gangbang gets me so wet!

Let me explain. i tried to explain this to Madam last night but i don't know if i said exactly what i wanted to convey, so if not i hope this clears things up for you to Ma'am.

Sex is usually just sex. (except, of course, with you Ma'am) i could have sex with guys all the time and i still wouldn't consider myself to bisexual. i am a lesbian. i even maintained that "status" while i briefly dated a guy a year and a half ago (i was heterocurious, what can i say?). i am attratced to women waaay waaay more and i would never date a guy again if, God forbid Madam died (we're in it for life so there is no breaking up)-that's why i consider myself a lesbian. But a big part of the reason that i'll have sex with men though is that they, for the most part, think only of themselves and their own pleasure much more than women do (this is only my experience, if your man isn't like this that's great for you!) Sex with women is much more fair, more even. i like the idea of sometimes being fucked until my partner has came then tossed aside with no regard for the fact that i hadn't "finished". i like being used, what can i say?

Even though we are in a mono relationship, if Madam told me to go fuck so-and-so, i would, as long as it was safe. i don't care what Her reason would be, whether it were to test my obedience, to entertain Her and possibly others or just because. i would do it. i would rather have another sub/slave (and i hopefully) entertain Her but if She ever decided to lend my hole(s) to another Master/Mistress to use i would go without question. i trust Her to make sound decisions. i would look at the other person as an extension of Madam, they would be another instrument at Her disposal just like the cane, Her cock, or any of the other implements that She uses to own me. i did tell Her that i would only do it if She were either involved or watching if bondage were involved (going back to the safety clause).

On a somewat related note, i have always been intrigued by poly relationships, swinging, and open relationships (true open relationships, not the ones that are open cause the primary one is in trouble). i was once approached by a couple to become part of their family. At the time i told myself that i couldn't have imagined having to tell my family and that i didn't want to have to keep it secret but i think the bigger reason was that they had kids that were like 4 and 9 at the time and i didn't feel that they had thought that aspect through enough. If the kids hadn't been around? i don't know what i would have done.

i LOVE sex. In the past i have had sex with people i don't care about or that i'm not 100% attracted to. i have had sex to spite exes. i have had sex only because i know that the other person want to. Does that make me a slut? Maybe... i most definitely LOVE being Madam's filthy fucktoy slut! Having Her talk dirty to me turns my nether regions slick with copious amounts of "natural lubricant", if you catch my drift. Just thinking about it now....i think i need to take a break ;D


i do kind of wish She was into having a threesome with another woman. i've been involved in a few (not just with women mind you) in the past and can say that good times were had by all involved. i say this because sex is fun and variety is the spice of life, or so the saying goes. i don't say this because i am in the least bit dissatified with the sex that Lee and i have now. On the contrary, it is the best sex i have had in my life. And i don't just say that cause Madam reads what i write, it's the honest to goodness truth. Then why would i want a threesome, one might ask? Well for the spice factor and you can learn new techniques and just cause it's plain fun. and cause i'm a bit of a slut. OK i said it. Or maybe with another couple each of us having sex in our pairs, at least to start off with. Pretty sure it won't happen though.

If Lee and i had an open relationship would i sleep with other people? Probably only with Her present and/or involved. i'd rather us be together than have each of us have sex with others separately. i'm not sure why, maybe then there would be less of a chance of jealousy issues? One thing i know is that i would never cheat on Lee. i love and respect Her far too much to ever hurt Her.

OK i'm done for today, i have a headache and this computer screen is hurting my brain... of to divert the blood to other parts of my body!!!....