submissive vs. slave

What is the difference between a submissive and a slave? This is the topic that Lee has asked me to write about this week. The problem is that i don't really know. i have said before that i identify more as a slave than submissive so i should know.

Before i start, i want to preface what i am about to say: these are only my opinions.  If you don't agree with part or all of it, that is fine. 

A submissive has more choice in submitting. They have more freedom to decide when and what they will submit themselves to. The submissive has their own limits and requirements for the relationship.

A slave agrees to submit to their Master at the beginning of their relationship and after that they have no choice but to obey all demands placed upon them. They have no limits except for what their Master decides for them.

Another way of looking at it is who has the final say- the Top/Dom/Master or the bottom/submissive/slave. If the Top has the final say, then the bottom is a slave, but if the bottom has the final say then they are a submissive.

i call myself a slave because i have given over control to Lee. She make the decisions in our relationship even if those decisions are to have me make choices. For example, She has told me that one of my duties is meal planning. i have the time to be able to spend on planning our daily meals and snacks, i know Her food preferences and i am good at organizing and preparing healthy, nutritious food. Lee has given me this duty knowing that it is something that i am good at doing. She has told me that, if is She wants or feels it is necessary, that She will review my plan but in general She trusts me to make the right choices for us. 

i'm going to end here. i know this is short but i think that i have captured my feelings and given Lee what She was looking for (and really, that's the important part!)

Controlling my Short Fuse

i have a short fuse.  Lee told me to write about ways to help reduce my outburst this week. 

i think that it has a lot to do with my illness ( i think have mentioned before that i have Borderline Personality Disorder). So by taking my medications will hopefully help reduce the frequency of the outbursts and the strength of them when i do have one.

I also have a problem with my pride which translates into not backing down when Lee and i have an argument.  i want to be right and will get very stubborn about holding my position.  i'm not sure how to change that. I think that i just need Lee to not back down and in time will learn.

I really don't know what to tell Her. I don't know how to stop my outbursts or diffuse them. Hmmm…. Let me think….

Ok, here's what i have come up with so far:

Have Lee remind me that She is in charge, won't accept this behavior, etc. when She sees that i am beginning to escalate;

Lee needs to stay in control during those times, i need to learn that i can't win by acting up;

Have a time out to calm down, with the order from Lee to think about what happened/why i am acting this way/something similar;

i think punishment would help me feel like  Lee is in charge (physically dominating me??), a hard spanking or some other physical punishment;

After the time out i need to apologize to Lee, which i hate to admit, i don't always do (there's that pride thing again).

Also, i wonder if praise or other rewards when i am being a good slave would re-enforce good behavior and therefore reduce  bad behavior?

Charting the outbursts (what lead up to it, what i did during and how it was resolved) may help me/Her/us see a pattern and be able to better understand why they happen and therefore be able to tailor a behavior modification plan towards the cause(s) and what worked to diffuse it.

i think i'm out ideas for now. Anyone have any suggestions?

Listening Skills

Something i need to work much harder on is listening to Lee when She tells me to do something that i don't want to do. i could go on and on listing examples, when we're out, when we're home, when i'm tired, when i'm mad……

For what ever reason, i get it in my head that what i want/say/need is priority at that moment. i need to get my own way.

i know it hurts Her when i don't listen and i feel awful afterwards. I can almost see Her ego taking the hit when i do, especially when we're in public and She "can't order me around".

I think that part of it is that i know that, for the most part, i will get  away with it. If Lee tries to challenge me, i spout off any number of reasons why i am in the right. And She usually relents.

i really don't know how to curb this horrible habit it but i know that i need to. i think that this could be one of those issues that could be a D/s deal breaker in the long run. i know that if i was in Her place i wouldn't put up with it for a second.