Mental Health, MAsT, Service and PXS All In One

This is elle writing, i couldn't get the internet on my account to work so i'm using Sir's- hence this post being authored under Her name.

I'm home from work today with some sort of stomach bug so i thought i'd try to write a post even though it's only been a couple of days since the last one.

i seem to get sick a lot, like almost monthly there seems to be something going on. i've read before that people with mental health problems, especially during 'flare-ups', get physically sick more often as well. I would definitely say that i'm having a flare-up now. About two months ago Master and i went to our doctor and asked him to reduce my anti-depressant medication as it seemed like i was feeling very anxious and agitated/on edge all the time. He agreed and also gave me a script for an adjuvant med to try if i found i was getting more depressed. But, i can't take it. It's not recommended if you're pregnant or trying to become pregnant.
For the first couple of weeks after the reduction i was doing okay, more than that i felt emotionally and mentally stable for the first time in a long time. Then i hit the edge of the cliff and for the past six weeks or so i have been more and more depressed. i have begged Sir to let me die more days than not i think and have gone for weeks without having a day that i didn't cry. We have added zinc and magnesium to the concoction of 'happy' pills that i take on a daily basis; omegas, vitamin D, iron and Wellbutrin.
Are they helping? i haven't seen a big change but maybe the frequency of crying has decreased slightly in the last 10 days or so. i don't know how long it would take before either of them are helping. And, yes, i know i should have probably only started one at a time to see which one (if it is only one) that is working but with the way i have been feeling i didn't have the time to do med trials properly, i just need results. Maybe once i have things stabilized again i will remove one and see if there are any changes.

Last night i asked Sir about seeing if some of the T.V. shows that we can't get might be available on iTunes, for example Orange is the New Black. i've heard a lot of talk about this show but i've never seen it. And we can't change our cable because it is provided through our landlord. At one point in the discussion Sir got all excited about seeing all the ladies in their inmate uniforms, and i responded that yes that would be nice but i was interested in seeing the guards. i pointed out how stereotypical of us it is to pick the side we did and we had a good laugh over it.

Last weekend was our monthly MAsT discussion on service. It was supposed to be presented by Master and myself as well as two of the other organizers but one was sick so a friend stepped in at the last moment to help us out. The discussion went well, there was some great conversations. The research and private discussions that Master and i had prior to the group discussion really have made me think about the service i provide Master in our dynamic. We have been reading Real Service by Raven and Joshua which has made me think a lot about the whys and hows of my service. One thing that i've been contemplating is why i enjoy service. In Real Service, it is mentioned that people are drawn to service either for the service itself but more often for the control.  i believe that i enjoy being of service because of both but being under Master's control is usually what attracts me. I do also very much enjoy serving just to see Her happy; i think for most people it's not one or the other which is what i felt they were saying in the book.

We've talked briefly about the level of protocol, rules, etc that Master is expecting for Power eXchange Summit. There will be many more conversations about PXS, especially if we drive. i'm getting so excited and nervous about the whole idea!