I lost the step-by-step guide to being a Domme

Hello friendly readers, remember Me? I’m the D in the D/s with elle...at least I’m supposed to be. I haven’t been doing a very bang up job of it for the last while. Seems ever since we took a few days break, months back, I haven’t been able to get into the groove of it on a regular basis and in so failing have not given elle any reason to put her best foot forward either. We used to play quite often and now there are more frustrated tears from not playing and discussions about not having played than there are scenes in recent memory.

Is it ALL My fault? Being the D, I’m supposed to be the one deciding everything and ensuring everything is done the way I plan, so I guess it is. Bad behaviour in a sub is a reflection of bad leadership from the Domme. Why should she sub if I flop in My role more times than I succeed? It’s tiring. Taking the lead, making her do things she doesn’t want to do and fights Me on, remembering to tell her something instead of asking and if I get another argument from it standing My ground. Because I said so, because I want you to, because of blah de blah de blah, isn’t reason enough if she has it in her head to fight.

Am I the D? Yes.

Is she stubborn, strong willed, knowing of what she wants and if she doesn’t get it ready to fight to create an excuse for not getting it? Yes.

elle is a sub that needs clear cut reasons. I know this. Am I good at supplying this? Not so much.

elle is a sub that needs to see that she is getting something out of what she puts in. Am I good at positive reinforcement and rewards? Um, well I guess not so much when play is a main point she needs. I think I’m good at positive reinforcement.

I know this is all about working together and Me deciding what is best for us and doing it whether she agrees in the moment or not, but it is hard to keep pushing through when I get such resistance that I just start to feel like a big asshole. I need the positive reinforcement too.

I feel like switching lines of thoughts now. The beginning of this post was written yesterday, and I don't remember exactly where I was going with it so...

It is four sleeps now until we say “I do!” I’m excited, nervous, scared and a little pukey if I think too long on it, lol. More than anything though, I can’t wait to be standing there in front of our witnesses to put a ring on the finger of the woman I am going to spend the rest of My life with. It seems like I have already spent a lifetime with elle and I want a million more. There are certainly things that aren’t going the best with us at the moment (see above) but there is so much more that is just incredible that I know there has not been another decision I‘ve made that has been better for Me, than being with and marrying elle. I love you My girl!!