Ready, Set, Go!

Ok. Let's get one thing straight. I don't want this blog to turn into a mommy blog. But we are trying to have a baby. Having a baby for any couple is a big deal. Now add the fact that we are a same sex couple that are also in a power exchange relationship to all of the "vanilla" worries and the situation gets much more involved. Trying to get pregnant and having a baby are big events going on, they are going to influence and be influenced by the uniqueness our situation. It is going to inevitably become the topic of some blog posts, when it is relevant to our M/s.

The "active" phase of baby making started a few days ago with me taking a medication that will help increases the chance of me ovulating more. I had been warned that I could have side effects that are kind of PMS and menopause at the same time, hello emotional roller-coaster!, plus other more physical side effects. But for me the worry was (and still is) that this medication will fuck me up and send me on a downward spiral again. So far so good, actually the opposite almost. This morning while texting with Sir, I was overwhelmed with my love and desire to serve Her, in the good kind of way. That same feeling of peace that I have talked about before. I'm thinking it's a subspace kind of thing but quite in the same way as when we play.

I'm going on record right now, fertility treatment is not romantic! All of the tests that I've done, the surgery that I had and problems related to that, the clinic and counselling appointments, the pills, the paperwork, all of it is not hot! I wish that we could have gotten pregnant "the old fashioned" way even though I know that was never an option. A night of passion... and poof! A baby! 

Last night was, in my opinion, one of the hottest moments that Lee and I have had in our whole baby making journey. Lee was getting my pills out for me last night. I took my regular ones but when She got to my fertility ones I knelt down in front of Her. She had me say my mantra before putting the pills in my mouth. It may not seem like much to some but that is one of the first things that we have been able to do as a couple other than signing consent forms and going to counselling. The first private thing. To be able to have a moment, just a moment, where this very medicalized process could be private and romantic was so wonderful. Reflecting on that moment right now is bringing tears to my eyes. Lee told me that She also enjoyed it. I have to work this evening so Lee will be in bed asleep when I get home so we won't get the chance to do that again tonight but I hope that we will be able to resume it Thursday night.

Well, that's all I have time for. Even though I didn't really end up writing much about the topic I had planned on focusing on I've got stuff to do before I go to work so I've got to do that.