On Being Pushed

On Sunday Master and I had a bit of a higher protocol day. We started off with me making a delicious breakfast of herb and garlic cheese omelets topped with a caramelized onion and bacon jam served with yummy multigrain toast and homemade pureed strawberry jam. It was so good! I don’t usually think that what i cook is that wonderful but this time i will fully admit that i hit it out of the park.

After letting our food digest for a while we headed into the bathroom for a shower. Master often pees on me as a way to mark Her property and Sunday was no different, other than when She was finished She had me “clean Her up” with my mouth.  This was hard for me, quite hard. There have been times before that when She is peeing on me that some has gotten on my face and mouth and She has ordered me to open my mouth to passively let some into my mouth if it happens but never has Master deliberately made me ingest Her pee. I was worried that Master would think i’m dirty and wouldn’t want to kiss me anymore if i obeyed. I didn’t want Her to think i was dirty (in a bad way!)I was also having a hard time with getting over the ick factor. I struggled with the order for what felt like an eternity before obeying. I still didn’t know for sure that i wanted to but Master told me to do it so i did and hoped for the best.  Afterward, we talked about it and i said to Master that I can tell by Her reaction that She will be pushing that boundary in the coming months. She didn’t come right out and agree but i think the possibility is very much on the table. I’m not 100% sure how i feel about the idea of having Her pee in my mouth or even further and have to drink it (like She mentioned reading about last week, which i personally think was Her way of testing my reaction for this most recent event as well as the future).   I’m still worried about Her thinking i am disgusting, i’m worried that i will think i’m disgusting for that matter. Though I am curious about Her peeing while i’m going down on Her. Even as I write this i am slightly concerned that friends and others that read this will now find me repulsive, i know that the BDSM community can be very split when it comes to the more fringe kinks.

After the shower I had some time to dry off and make myself presentable. The next thing that Master pushed me with was putting me in the cage and barricading me in. For those of you who don’t know, last year we bought a large dog kennel for the joint purpose of using it for me and for our cats when necessary (we occasionally have to segregate one- like when we first got our newest addition or if one of them is sick, etc.). It is a wire crate about 1.25m tall and long by about 1m wide. We keep it in the corner of our living room and use it as a side table of sorts when not being used for its intended purpose. I have spent the in it once before, although only for approx. 4 hrs, and have spent quiet time in it. I have never been locked in or had it covered while in it, both of which Master did (well, it wasn’t locked but She put an armchair, which She proceeded to sit in, in front of the door). For a long time- it felt like an eternity-i stared at the door. My mind kept rolling over the idea that i was physically caged, that my freedom had been taken from me. That is something that i struggle with in my day to day life. When things get hard my first reaction is flight. If Lee and I ever have a disagreement my first instinct is to try to run away and/or push Her away, which happened not that long ago. She knows that, which is why She made the rule that I am not allowed to leave the house during such times. Master talked with me, reassured me. I was so scared that i would be in that cage for the rest of my life. After hearing Master’s reassuring words a sense of peace overcame me. While i was in there i had no control of anything and therefore the pressure of decision making was totally removed. I felt a weight being lifted off of me. No longer did i have to choose anything. No longer did i have to think. I could just be. I started to feel like i was floating. After a while Master gave me a pre-scene checklist to fill out (it’s a new thing we are trying out) so She could plan our play time. I stayed in the cage while She was reviewing it and got to just be.

Play time is kind of blur, I don’t remember details of much. I’m sure there was kicking and/or punching, the Mother Fucker was probably in there somewhere and i’m pretty sure i had the big heavy duty clothespins on my breasts and clit. I do remember the breath play part in better detail though. Up until now most of our breath play has been Her hands over my mouth and nose, but we’ve also done some deep throating enough to block the windpipe and face sitting. But on Sunday, Master wrapped my head in plastic cling wrap leaving only a space from my nose to my eyebrows. She then would cover the open area with another strip of plastic, pressing the seams to ensure a tight seal. I could see Her through the plastic- looking into Her eyes while gasping at what little air i had was so erotic and got me very aroused. My life was in Her hands, pretty much literally. I knew that She would never intentionally hurt me but the thought “this could be my last breath” did cross my mind a few times.

Once Master was finished with the plastic wrap She used a……knife!!! to cut it off. If you have read early entries you will probably know that we had a bad experience with knife play a few years ago and have avoided it since. I’m not going to go into details about the past so read this post if you want more details. The knife. We talked about it before playing so I knew that it would make an appearance at the end of the breath play but i had forgotten about it. Until i saw it lying on the floor beside me when Master reached out for it. The panic in me started to rise, but by much less than i expected it to. The first time i felt the cold blade on my skin it took everything in me not to jump. But i survived and to be honest, it kind of aroused me as well. I think it was how my life was so very much in Master’s hands, again, that got me going.

We ended the evening with some wonderful times in the bedroom, the details of which i wish i remembered better. After that there was lots of cuddling and snuggling, chocolate and water. Master mentioned that i may have some subdrop in the coming days. We talked about what we enjoyed and how we felt about the various activities that we had just partaken in. Once we had relaxed for a while Master declared the high protocol part of our day to be over and we made dinner and watched some tv.

Overall, i had an amazing day! I do think i have had a bit of drop in the days since but not as much as i had kinda thought i might have. My sex drive had been on high since then and i feel almost insatiable, after sex i want more even though i am too physically used up/exhausted to do so.

Well, i have to go get ready for work so i’m going to wrap up here. Hope you all had a good weekend, we sure did. That one was definitely one for the history books, so to speak!!!