Evaluation of Life

First of all i want to say that i am a very lucky girl. Yesterday Madam gave me a Easter egg hunt!! A few weeks ago i had mentioned in passing that i wanted one, only half seriously and not thinking that She would but She did! Thank you Madam, you are the greatest!!!

Now on to more serious talk.
The last month or so i have been working, which has changed a few things in our relationship: we don’t have as much time together, my hip and knee hurts more often so it’s harder to serve/play and chores are being neglected and i’m asking for Lee’s help with them more than i used to.

How have these changes affected us?
Well, i think that having time apart is a good thing, it hasn't increased my alone time any (except bus rides but i don’t really count those) but it has increased Lee’s alone time which i think is great for Her. She needs time to do Her own things.

my hip and knee hurting has impacted service and play. i can’t kneel for nearly as long or as often as i’d like. And getting up is anything but graceful. i've also been suffering from very itchy skin in the last couple of weeks. The play itself doesn't tend to aggravate my sore areas or itchiness but i do find i’m distracted by the pain and/or itching and therefore not fully “with” Madam when we do play. Because of mostly these two things we haven’t really had a full “scene” in i think close to a month, maybe even a bit longer. i miss playing desperately and even though we still cuddle and are close in other ways i don’t feel like i have that connection that we get after a good scene. i know, i know, some of you may be thinking, a month, she’s complaining that she hasn't played in a month?!? Yes, yes i am. We have both said in the past that regular play is important to us to keep us connected and close.

Our home isn't in the condition that i would like it to be. That isn't only because of work though, i have been feeling a tab bit lazy and unmotivated as of late but i’m not entirely sure why. i try to pre-plan when i’m going to do my non-daily chores but it always seems to get screwed up with calls from work. Then the chore(s) that were supposed to be done that day aren't so then i have to do them the next day which back up the next group of stuff and creates a domino effect affecting the whole rest of the schedule. And on my days off i feel overwhelmed with the prospect of trying to catch up and usually avoid doing much of anything.

And i would like to be working more to try to bring in more money so we can work at paying down our debts and start saving to one day buy a house and maybe have a child. But the thought of that makes me worry about how i’d ever keep up. When i was single i never worried about how working full time kept me from getting my house work or anything else done. But i guess then i didn't have to factor in down time with my partner, play time, and the extra chores that having another person makes (you wouldn't think it’s much but it is-the bathroom gets dirty twice as fast, there’s almost double the laundry and dishes, etc.)

i think i need to get better at managing my time, i think i’m wasting too much of my time being unproductive (especially in the mornings). i need to use the time i have more efficiently.

i kind of feel like most of the D/s and kink has disappeared from our relationship and lives as of late. i’m mad that i have let it drift away. i want it back. i want to feel Lee’s influence in my actions. i want Her rules and punishment for infractions. i crave Her hand around my neck and Her eyes staring into mine demanding my obedience and submission.