Obedience

“Obedience is a form of social influence where an individual acts in response to a direct order from another individual, who is usually an authority figure. It is assumed that without such an order the person would not have acted in this way. Obedience occurs when you are told to do something (authority), whereas conformity happens through social pressure (the norms of the majority). Obedience involves a hierarchy of power / status. Therefore, the person giving the order has a higher status than the person receiving the order.” (copied from simplypsychology.org/obedience.html)

Obedience in a M/s context means that the slave is consciously choosing to submit his/her mind and body to the will of their Master, their rules, rituals and protocols. For most slaves this is a learned behavior that must be practiced and slowly expanded upon. For me it most certainly has been learned. It’s something that i have been working on it since we started down this path over six years ago. i have been, up till now, very strong willed and can be disobedient at times if I'm not in the right headspace. Obedience has to become a state of being almost, a complete acquiescence to the slave’s chosen authority figure, in my case, to Master. It is usually a foundational ingredient in most M/s relationships, whether casual or 24/7 or anywhere in between. It’s one of those relationship make it or break it kind of tenants in my relationship with Master. Declaring my obedience to Her is part of the mantra that i say.

For a Power Exchange to work smoothly the slave must be obedient. This way the Master knows what kind of reaction to expect. It can make the difference between a successful and unsuccessful M/s relationship. In a TPE the Master should be able to expect that what He/She says will be followed with a minimum of questioning.

No slave can be 100% obedient all the time. i struggle with my obedience at times. It can be very challenging mentally to obey sometimes, especially when i strongly disagree.

At the core of obedience is respect and humility. Respect for your Master and your dynamic. Respect for the trust that you have placed in your Master. And humility in that you need to remember your place in your relationship as slave.

How do you demonstrate your obedience, beyond just following their rules?

-Pay close attention to your Master, especially when around others. Stop what you are doing and look at them while they are speaking. Making eye contact is also a good way to show you are paying attention. This makes them feel special, respected, appreciated, honoured, and proud of their slave.

-Don’t roll your eyes or back talk when they ask you to do something. This is just passive aggressive behavior and will generally not get you the desired outcome. If you have them, present your opposing viewpoint (if you’re allowed to do so) politely and in keeping with your dynamic. Being obedient doesn’t mean that you will always agree with your Master but it does mean that you may not have the final decision. Also remember to try to pick a good time and place for you to share your disagreement.

-Be polite all the time. Ask for their permission for things and use your please and thank you’s.

-Do things the first time you are asked, the way you were asked. Don’t make your Master have to ask you a second time and do exactly what they have asked of you and nothing less. Delaying something that your Master has asked of you is like saying that whatever you are doing is more important than what they asked you to do. It is frustrating and annoying to your Master and makes them feel unimportant and possibly taken for granted i once heard a saying that goes something like delayed obedience becomes immediate disobedience; partial obedience is complete disobedience.

-Do things that they haven’t asked that you know they like. i like to ask Master if She needs anything when i am up so i can get/do something for Her.

-If you disagree with your Master, consider the reasons that they have told you to do something/denied you something/etc. before getting upset.

Now for my personal experience. Part of the reason that i chose to “research” this topic was because Master and i have agreed that we need to be working on our relationship more actively and this was one of the areas that we thought i needed to work on to improve our M/s. i’d say that my biggest challenge is not so much with not responding immediately to orders, but with begrudging Master for making me do something that i’m not wanting to do at the moment. This comes out in poor attitude and slower service. Some Masters say that they don’t care about whether the slave is enjoying the ordered task as long as they do it but i think that to put your whole heart into it means that you are happily providing the requested service. i believe that part of my problem comes from my mental illness. i have very black and white thinking so i either love or hate something so if i’m asked to do something that i don’t like i have a hard time forcing myself to enjoy it to put all of myself into the ordered task. i am also forgetful and a bit absent minded at times; i forget what exactly Master told me to do or to perform a ritualized order. So what am i doing to correct my problems with obedience? Well, first of all i am writing this blog which forced me to take a look at my own obedience and decided that obedience will be the topic for discussion at the next submissives group get together. So i am gathering ideas on how to be more obedient and seeking support. i have also made a commitment to myself to be more immediately obedient and try to serve Master more happily in remembering that making Her happy makes me happy. i have also decided that i need to work on getting my borderline personality disorder under better control and need to brush up on my mindfulness skills. In choosing to obey i am setting myself free of the constraints of having to make choices for myself and us.

Through my travels on the interwebs i found this little quote that i will leave you with: “They may not always be right but they will always be Master.”