Moving

Every day brings us closer and closer to moving. i really don't feel prepared to do it though, financially or otherwise. i'm really concerned that we have bitten off more than we can chew at the moment.

We have started going through papers to get rid of any that we don't need (Lee has a lot of papers with writing ideas, drawings and such that she's trimming down, i have recipes mostly). We also want to go through our books, CDs and movies. i have started weeding out clothes that don't fit or that i just don't wear anymore.

The other night i looked into flying with our cats and we discovered that Air Canada has a black out period for live cargo during the time we were hoping to go so now we are thinking that we will have to ship them before we leave. i really don't want to do that, our kitties will be so scared to be in a new home with other animals (we're probably staying with my Mom and Stepdad) and not have their Mommies.

my Mom has a friend who owns a long distance moving company so i have asked her is she would find out if he could give us a deal (and what kind of price we're looking at). i know that when i moved out here my ex and i were looking at about $2000 for a moving company, which Lee and i cannot afford.

i have started the process to get my licence in Manitoba. It's costing a fortune! It's been about $350 all together to get the forms filled out by the different places, notarized copies of our marriage certificate and my birth certificate, passport photos, a criminal record check. Then i have to pay for my licence which i believe is another $450. i'd better get a job quickly to make this all worth it!

i am so worried about how our M/s is going to look when we are living with my family. We won't have any private time for playing, i won't be able to overtly serve Her, lay at Her feet or many of the things that we do now. i just hope a tiny fraction will survive long enough that we can recover it once we are back out on our own.

*~*~*~*

i confessed to Lee recently that i have been feeling somewhat lost lately. i feel like my submission has been waning, again. i just don't feel very submissive. Madam says that my behaviour has been much better than when She first made the Behaviour Modification Plan but i don't know why because it doesn't get used very much. i guess that's the biggest thing that She sees so therefore uses to judge my level of submission but to me there is so much more. Like my drive and want to serve, which is low.

i think there are a few things contributing.

The first being that i have had a terrible rash on my neck and couldn't wear my collar. i have just recently started wearing it again sporadically and hope to increase the amount that i am wearing it more and more. Hopefully that'll help with that aspect.

The next part is that with working as much as i have in the past month and a half we haven't had as much time together as we used to, therefore we aren't getting time to play or other activities that connect us. And when we do play either i and/or She feels tired and so play time is shorter, less intense or both than i would like (need) it to be.

Another big part is that Lee has been very stressed about work for reasons that i'm not going to get into. For that reason, i feel like her active domination has lessened and i feel guilty asking Her for more as i don't want to put added stress on Her.

And last but not least the stress of moving. As i mentioned earlier we are starting to go through stuff and that takes up valuable time but it is very necessary.

i fear that things are going to get worse before they get better as our time will be stretched even more as moving day gets closer and closer.

Well, with that being said i should be wrapping this up and hitting the boxes, i guess!