i'm still feeling kinda worried about my reaction the other night. Once an addict always an addict i suppose. But that's not entirely true. i used to smoke pot pretty much daily and now i can one in a while and not want to all the time. Madam and i have talked more about how to work through the problem.
Here's what we've come up with so far:
#1 when She is cutting my back we will put a dressing mirror in front of me so She can see my face (and therefore my reactions better) and i can see that She's using a knife and not a razor blade like i used to use.
#2 She is going to just run the knife over my skin on my chest and stomach again so i can see the knife
#3 Madam is going to talk to me while we are engaged in knife play. i don't really like Her to ask me questions during play as a general rule cause i find it harder to stay in subspace when i have to think about my responses and analyze what i'm thinking, feeling, etc
#4 i have done some very preliminary research into online groups for the type of therapy that my first psychiatrist used that i found to be very helpful (Dialectical Behavior Therapy if you're interested, it's sort of a mix of cognitive behavior therapy and the mindfulness that Buddhists practice)
#5 i started a discussion on the Submissive Women group on FetLife to see if i could get any other suggestions on how to manage which i have already gotten some very supportive comments but no advice that i'd say is very useful
Well that's all for now i think. i'll keep you posted on how this situation plays out...
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