Tipping the Velvet

Posted March 26/11
Warning: this post may get a bit TIM. i’m going to talk about cunnilingus, eating out, going down, muff diving, tipping the velvet, what ever you want to call it so please be prepared to read some possibly graphic descriptions of Madam’s and my sex life. Well then, on with the show…

i don’t get it. Why do i have such problems with Madam diving into my muff?!?

There are times when i love and want Madam to go down on me and i really, truly enjoy it. About 99.5% of the time that is after She’s been fucking me other ways and i am extremely turned on.

i am not embarrassed about Her seeing my naked body. Although being examined is a bit humiliating but i am okay with it. (i like some humiliation in a scene, it helps put me into a more submissive head space)

i have never really enjoyed oral sex, though i have never told a partner until Lee. In the past i just tried to divert the person or fake an orgasm really quickly to get it over with if the diversion techniques didn't prove to be successful. i have a sensitive clit and often the sensation of a tongue on it tickles or just feels generally unpleasant. i guess that’s part of it. i physically don’t enjoy it. But that’s only part of it cause as i said a second ago there are times that i do enjoy it immensely.

Another bit is what i think every woman worries about, am i clean enough right now? Do i smell, do i taste bad, etc.? Also i wonder if i’m clean shaven enough or if I’m going to feel like a cactus. i have never had anyone tell me that i have any of said problems but those thoughts run through my head every time. Sometimes in a scene Madam does tell me that She can smell me and i find that to be incredibly humiliating/embarrassing.

The last part of the problem is being submissive. If i’m not 100% into the head space of my body belongs to Madam and She may do as She pleases with it then i feel very unsubmissive.

Lee and i have new rules, etc. that we decided to focus on. One thing She told me that was part of it was that She wants to train me to accept and enjoy Her going down on me because She enjoys “tasting me” as She put it. When She told me this i think my face went white. i really wasn't happy about the prospect of Her being down there more frequently but She did agree to take it slow and try to make sure that i was already aroused before heading south. So i agreed. But really what choice did i have? After all she is in charge.

We had been planning on playing last night for a couple of days now but the scene that Madam had been planning wasn't going to work so She had to switch to Plan B. Plan B was a game of me begging to switch activities, She was going to continue to do something until i sufficiently begged Her to switch. i had to beg
Her for a specific activity and implement. For example, She smacked my ass and thighs with a wide blade plastic spatula (that i had originally bought for flipping pancakes and other large items but i didn't end up liking so it got repurposed lol!) and i had to beg Her to switch to flogging my back with a light flogger.

Sorry i got a bit off topic there for a second. The reason that i tell you about the scene is because Madam decided that She would pick the first activity, She was going to go down on me. i was told that i could start to beg for the next thing as soon as Her tongue hit my cunt so i immediately decided what it would be even before i laid down. i really didn't want Her to be “there” because i had just gone pee ( and She knew that) but i thought that i only had to endure it a short time so i didn't protest. But as soon She started to make her way to my clit i got so overwhelmed that i couldn't remember what i was going to ask for or any other activity… all i knew was that i wanted Her to stop licking me. i managed to get out “please” but when Madam said “please what?” i was stuck. “Please anything” as the flood of tears poured down my cheeks. After She calmed me down somewhat we talked for a bit. i got myself under control and we then got to playing and ended the night well.

But that doesn't mean that i still don’t feel guilty about making Lee feel bad. i think that my dislike of cunnilingus is getting worse and i don’t know how to reverse that trend. i have already decided that if we were to play with others it would be a hard limit. i worry that it’ll become one with Madam too and i really don’t want that because i want to be as open and available for Her as she wants. i don’t want to have limits with Her.