Madam reaches down to where Spike came from and produces a pair of wrist cuffs and a waist restraint to add to the collar and ankle cuffs i always wear. She steps across the room in hard purposeful strides, ending up only millimeters from my face. i cast my eyes down as to avoid further punishment. "As this is a punishment there is no 'yellow'. I will allow you to use red but you'd better be damn near dying to event think about using it. Do you understand, slave"
"Yes Ma'am, i understand."
"Good. Now give me your hands." i raise my hands to Her and She cuffs them. The leather is cold at first but quickly starts to warm up. She wraps the waist belt around me and secures the buckles tightly. "Since this is your first time with my new toy I'm going to start by having you rate the swats, 0-no pain, 10-the worst pain imaginable. This won't be counted as part of your punishment since it is necessary for your safety. Are we clear?
"Yes Madam."
"Then let's begin. Stand facing the wall." i move in front of the rings. Madam pulls 2 double sided carabiners and clips one side to the top center rings "Hands up" i put my hands together above my head and She clips both to the center ring. Next, my neck and waist get secured with a piece of thin rope long enough that i have a slight bit of slack and finally my ankles are secured with more rope.
The tears that have been held off until now start to fall leaving black streaks of mascara in their wake. "Please Madam, i swear i'll never be late again."
"What did you not understand about not speaking, little girl? Let's see you have wasted about a minute of my time and spoke...let's count how many words" Madam counts off the words on Her hand as She repeats them "Please-that's 1, Madam-2, i-3, swear-4, i'll-5, never-6, be-7, late-8, again-9. So we'll add 10 strokes, one for the wasted minute and the other nine for the...well you get what they're for. Add that to the 15 you are to receive for wasting 15 minutes of my time by being late and you get 25. Here's how it's going to work. You are to keep count of each swing clearly and loud enough that I can hear. If I don't hear the number and a "thank you Ma'am" by the time I take the next swing it doesn't count. Got it?" i nod my head in a resigned agreement too scared to even answer Her question with words.
Madam moves into position behind me and swings Spike, hitting my ass lightly. "What do you rate that slut?"
"Two Ma'am"
"What did you forget?"
"Thank You Ma'am?"
"Much better" She swings again, a bit harder this time. "And that one?"
"Thank You Ma'am. Four and a half."
The swats get progressively harder until finally i scream out "Thank You Ma'am. Ten!!"
"OK slave. On to your punishment."
She swings the spiked cane, i count and thank Her. For the first ten She goes rather lightly. Once ten have passed She uppes the intensity. The swats go from about a three or four on the scale to more of a six. Five more pass and the intensity goes up again, now reaching closer to eight for another five. My body is radiating with pain. i am thankful for being bound to the wall because i'm sure without them i wouldn't be able to stand. i am almost screaming with each blow.
"I have to get something. Wait right here" Madam walks away. i hear her in the bedroom, opening the drawer where we keep all of the smaller toys. She comes back into the living room both hands behind Her back. "I have brought you a few treats since you have been very good with Spike so far"
As She moves Her left hand from behind Her back i know immediately what it is without even seeing it. i hear the bells on the nipple clamps. Her hand opens and i see i am right. The other hand is produced and opened and i see the ball gag. Once both are applied She takes Her position behind me and the beating continues.
Now my screams and words are nothing more than garbled sounds. The last five blows are full intensity. i writhe as much as my bonds will allow, which is very little, and silently thank Madam for the gag so that i can beg Her to stop without Her realizing that i am speaking.
After i have had my last swat with Spike Madam releases me starting at my ankles and working up. When She unhooks my hands, rather than letting them fall, She moves them to where my neck has been attached a minute before. She pulls me back by the hips so that my arms are outstretched from the wall, pushes my lower back down to make my ass stick up and kicks at the insides of my ankles to get me to widen my legs. My ass is streaked with welts and spots of blood where the spikes broke my tender skin. She takes a soft cotton cloth soaked in alcohol and rubs it over my scarred flesh. It stings like hell and i let out a piercing scream that is subdued slightly by the silicone ball filling my mouth.
"Now for my pleasure" She unzips her pants and pulls out Her cock. Until that moment i hadn't noticed that she was packing. Without stopping to apply lube to Her thick cock or check that my pussy is wet for Her, She shoves all 8" of it inside me in one hard thrust. She pulls out so that all but the very tip has exited my wet hole and waits for a second before thrusting it fully in again. She continues this pattern of filling and vacating "Her cunt" over and over all the while telling me how much of a slut i am getting wet from being beaten and used like a whore. She orders me to tell Her how much i like being fucked from behind like the dog that i am and beg Her to let me suck my juices off Her cock when She's done using me.
Finally She says the words i need. "Cum my little fucktoy. CUM NOW!!"
The orgasm rips through by body. i shutter and moan while Madam continues to pound into me. Then i hear Her start to moan and realize that She is about to cum. I am ecstatic to hear this, Madam has never cum from fucking me before and i start to fuck Her back as much as my gelatinous body will allow until Her moans become a deep guttural grunting sound and Her body quakes with orgasm.
Spent, She drapes Her body over mine for a minute while She recovers then withdraws Her cock from my aching pussy and releases my hands. "Don't forget what you begged me to let you do" She says looking down at Her glistening cock.
i turn around and drop to my knees, put my hands behind my back and open my mouth. Madam grabs a handful of my hair and fills my waiting hole. Her thrusting cock hits the back of my throat causing me to gag. i have given Madam many blowjobs before but not with Her big cock and i'm not used to how thick or long it is. Even though i gag at each thrust She doesn't relent. She makes me gag each time She thrusts it back in. "Seems like we need to work on my slave's deep throating skills. And you call yourself a slut" She shakes Her head tisking at me in a mocking tone. "Not today, but i want you to start practicing when i'm at work."
"Hes Ma'an" i say with Her cock at the back of my throat.
"Good girl" Madam smiles and pulls out of my mouth. "That is all for today, after you have cleaned me up, of course" She pulls the harness off and spreads Her legs wide for me to lick and suck the juices from Her dripping pussy.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
Spike: Part 1-Fiction
Quietly sliding my key in the lock of our apartment door, i try to slip in unnoticed, hoping that Madam would be busy and won't have noticed that i am 15 minutes late. But i am out of luck. She is waiting for me in the living room. The room is dark except for a light illuminating where She is sitting so i cannot see anything but Her. "you're late" She growls at me without turning to look at me. "Get over here now!"
"Yes Ma'am" i stammer as i quickly strip off my jacket and shoes. i go and stand in front of Her, hands behind my back.
"On your knees, slut" i drop to my knees and lift my eyes to meet Hers for my next command. "Lecture!" i move into position, knees open wide to expose the inner parts of pussy, hands palms up on my thighs to further demonstrate my openness to my Lady.
"you were to be home by 8 o'clock. It is now almost quarter past. Where have you been?"
"i lost track of time, Madam. i should have called to let You know that i would be a bit late though. i'm sorry." i mutter
"What you should have done, slut, was be home on time. I don't accept tardiness or laziness. Do you not think My commands are worth following?"
"No Ma'am i think Your commands are very much worth following, it just took me a bit longer to get home than expected"
In the blink of an eye Madam's hand is across my cheek. The sting of the unexpected rough smack radiates through my face. "And now you lie to me? I won't accept lying any more than tardiness or laziness. So what is it slave, did. you. loose. track. of. time. or. did. it. take. you. longer. to. get. home. than. expected. hmmm?" the condescension dripping from each overly emphasized syllable.
Tears start to well up in my eyes. i realize i'm not going to get out of this easily. " It was a bit of both Ma'am, i would never lie to You. i promise."
"Either way, your tardiness is unacceptable." i see Her reach for something that has been discretely tucked away until now then. Out comes a cane i have never seen before. It's a thin rod covered in leather with little rounded tip spikes along the top half of the shaft. i cringe at how viscous it looks.
We have a cane already that Madam knows i enjoy once i have been warmed up but this new one is like nothing i had ever seen. i immediately hate it. i can tell that it's going to hurt.
"Meet your new friend. I have named it Spike" an evil grin spreads across Madam's lips as the words are spit at me. "I bought it just the other day and have been looking for an excuse to introduce you to it. Now you have provided Me with one, thank you. You two are going to get very well acquainted tonight"
"Please Madam, i promise i will never be late again. Please don't use that on me." i implore, my eyes searching Hers for any sign of mercy but finding none.
"Eyes down!" Madam barks, "don't look at Me, slut. Now, you will notice that I took the time to install some hooks behind the pictures on the wall and at the floor behind the bookcase over there especially to use with this new toy of mine," She says as She points across the room. "Go move the bookcase and take down the pictures so we can get started"
"please Ma'am, no"
"Do it whore! For every second of My time you waste and for every word you speak i will add another 5 strokes so I suggest you shut your dirty little mouth and do as you're told"
i get up and walk across the room, moving as slowly as i think i can get away with. i slide the bookcase far enough that it will be out of the way and take down all the pictures on the wall. Just as Madam said, there they were, 8 D-rings, the kind can lay flat when not in use hanging on the wall. Three down at ankle height, three up high, the center one about a foot above my head, the other two about 18" out on either side about 4" lower and the last two at neck and waist heights. A sort of St Andrew's cross right on our living room wall.
Part 2 to come....
"Yes Ma'am" i stammer as i quickly strip off my jacket and shoes. i go and stand in front of Her, hands behind my back.
"On your knees, slut" i drop to my knees and lift my eyes to meet Hers for my next command. "Lecture!" i move into position, knees open wide to expose the inner parts of pussy, hands palms up on my thighs to further demonstrate my openness to my Lady.
"you were to be home by 8 o'clock. It is now almost quarter past. Where have you been?"
"i lost track of time, Madam. i should have called to let You know that i would be a bit late though. i'm sorry." i mutter
"What you should have done, slut, was be home on time. I don't accept tardiness or laziness. Do you not think My commands are worth following?"
"No Ma'am i think Your commands are very much worth following, it just took me a bit longer to get home than expected"
In the blink of an eye Madam's hand is across my cheek. The sting of the unexpected rough smack radiates through my face. "And now you lie to me? I won't accept lying any more than tardiness or laziness. So what is it slave, did. you. loose. track. of. time. or. did. it. take. you. longer. to. get. home. than. expected. hmmm?" the condescension dripping from each overly emphasized syllable.
Tears start to well up in my eyes. i realize i'm not going to get out of this easily. " It was a bit of both Ma'am, i would never lie to You. i promise."
"Either way, your tardiness is unacceptable." i see Her reach for something that has been discretely tucked away until now then. Out comes a cane i have never seen before. It's a thin rod covered in leather with little rounded tip spikes along the top half of the shaft. i cringe at how viscous it looks.
We have a cane already that Madam knows i enjoy once i have been warmed up but this new one is like nothing i had ever seen. i immediately hate it. i can tell that it's going to hurt.
"Meet your new friend. I have named it Spike" an evil grin spreads across Madam's lips as the words are spit at me. "I bought it just the other day and have been looking for an excuse to introduce you to it. Now you have provided Me with one, thank you. You two are going to get very well acquainted tonight"
"Please Madam, i promise i will never be late again. Please don't use that on me." i implore, my eyes searching Hers for any sign of mercy but finding none.
"Eyes down!" Madam barks, "don't look at Me, slut. Now, you will notice that I took the time to install some hooks behind the pictures on the wall and at the floor behind the bookcase over there especially to use with this new toy of mine," She says as She points across the room. "Go move the bookcase and take down the pictures so we can get started"
"please Ma'am, no"
"Do it whore! For every second of My time you waste and for every word you speak i will add another 5 strokes so I suggest you shut your dirty little mouth and do as you're told"
i get up and walk across the room, moving as slowly as i think i can get away with. i slide the bookcase far enough that it will be out of the way and take down all the pictures on the wall. Just as Madam said, there they were, 8 D-rings, the kind can lay flat when not in use hanging on the wall. Three down at ankle height, three up high, the center one about a foot above my head, the other two about 18" out on either side about 4" lower and the last two at neck and waist heights. A sort of St Andrew's cross right on our living room wall.
Part 2 to come....
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Thoughts on Sex and Being a Slut
Last night Lee and i were playing around... actually i was tickling Her and joking that She wasn't a very tough Domme if Her meek little sub (not!!! lol) was able to overpower and tickle Her until She was red in the face and could hardly breath...well, She decided to show me how powerful She was and hauled me to the floor by my hair. i ended up on my knees and face, with my ass sticking out so that it was easily accessible for what ever She fancied, which last night happened to be seeing how much of Her hand would fit inside me while telling me all about how She was going to have me fucked in every hole by as many people as She could get.
Having my pussy filled and stretched was HOT HOT HOT!!! And hearing Madam tell me about all the fat cocks that She was going to get to fill me, the pussies She'd shove my face into, OH MY GOD!!! The thought of being used with no thought of my pleasure turns me on immensely. Thnking of being "the holes" in a gangbang gets me so wet!
Let me explain. i tried to explain this to Madam last night but i don't know if i said exactly what i wanted to convey, so if not i hope this clears things up for you to Ma'am.
Sex is usually just sex. (except, of course, with you Ma'am) i could have sex with guys all the time and i still wouldn't consider myself to bisexual. i am a lesbian. i even maintained that "status" while i briefly dated a guy a year and a half ago (i was heterocurious, what can i say?). i am attratced to women waaay waaay more and i would never date a guy again if, God forbid Madam died (we're in it for life so there is no breaking up)-that's why i consider myself a lesbian. But a big part of the reason that i'll have sex with men though is that they, for the most part, think only of themselves and their own pleasure much more than women do (this is only my experience, if your man isn't like this that's great for you!) Sex with women is much more fair, more even. i like the idea of sometimes being fucked until my partner has came then tossed aside with no regard for the fact that i hadn't "finished". i like being used, what can i say?
Even though we are in a mono relationship, if Madam told me to go fuck so-and-so, i would, as long as it was safe. i don't care what Her reason would be, whether it were to test my obedience, to entertain Her and possibly others or just because. i would do it. i would rather have another sub/slave (and i hopefully) entertain Her but if She ever decided to lend my hole(s) to another Master/Mistress to use i would go without question. i trust Her to make sound decisions. i would look at the other person as an extension of Madam, they would be another instrument at Her disposal just like the cane, Her cock, or any of the other implements that She uses to own me. i did tell Her that i would only do it if She were either involved or watching if bondage were involved (going back to the safety clause).
On a somewat related note, i have always been intrigued by poly relationships, swinging, and open relationships (true open relationships, not the ones that are open cause the primary one is in trouble). i was once approached by a couple to become part of their family. At the time i told myself that i couldn't have imagined having to tell my family and that i didn't want to have to keep it secret but i think the bigger reason was that they had kids that were like 4 and 9 at the time and i didn't feel that they had thought that aspect through enough. If the kids hadn't been around? i don't know what i would have done.
i LOVE sex. In the past i have had sex with people i don't care about or that i'm not 100% attracted to. i have had sex to spite exes. i have had sex only because i know that the other person want to. Does that make me a slut? Maybe... i most definitely LOVE being Madam's filthy fucktoy slut! Having Her talk dirty to me turns my nether regions slick with copious amounts of "natural lubricant", if you catch my drift. Just thinking about it now....i think i need to take a break ;D
i do kind of wish She was into having a threesome with another woman. i've been involved in a few (not just with women mind you) in the past and can say that good times were had by all involved. i say this because sex is fun and variety is the spice of life, or so the saying goes. i don't say this because i am in the least bit dissatified with the sex that Lee and i have now. On the contrary, it is the best sex i have had in my life. And i don't just say that cause Madam reads what i write, it's the honest to goodness truth. Then why would i want a threesome, one might ask? Well for the spice factor and you can learn new techniques and just cause it's plain fun. and cause i'm a bit of a slut. OK i said it. Or maybe with another couple each of us having sex in our pairs, at least to start off with. Pretty sure it won't happen though.
If Lee and i had an open relationship would i sleep with other people? Probably only with Her present and/or involved. i'd rather us be together than have each of us have sex with others separately. i'm not sure why, maybe then there would be less of a chance of jealousy issues? One thing i know is that i would never cheat on Lee. i love and respect Her far too much to ever hurt Her.
OK i'm done for today, i have a headache and this computer screen is hurting my brain... of to divert the blood to other parts of my body!!!....
Having my pussy filled and stretched was HOT HOT HOT!!! And hearing Madam tell me about all the fat cocks that She was going to get to fill me, the pussies She'd shove my face into, OH MY GOD!!! The thought of being used with no thought of my pleasure turns me on immensely. Thnking of being "the holes" in a gangbang gets me so wet!
Let me explain. i tried to explain this to Madam last night but i don't know if i said exactly what i wanted to convey, so if not i hope this clears things up for you to Ma'am.
Sex is usually just sex. (except, of course, with you Ma'am) i could have sex with guys all the time and i still wouldn't consider myself to bisexual. i am a lesbian. i even maintained that "status" while i briefly dated a guy a year and a half ago (i was heterocurious, what can i say?). i am attratced to women waaay waaay more and i would never date a guy again if, God forbid Madam died (we're in it for life so there is no breaking up)-that's why i consider myself a lesbian. But a big part of the reason that i'll have sex with men though is that they, for the most part, think only of themselves and their own pleasure much more than women do (this is only my experience, if your man isn't like this that's great for you!) Sex with women is much more fair, more even. i like the idea of sometimes being fucked until my partner has came then tossed aside with no regard for the fact that i hadn't "finished". i like being used, what can i say?
Even though we are in a mono relationship, if Madam told me to go fuck so-and-so, i would, as long as it was safe. i don't care what Her reason would be, whether it were to test my obedience, to entertain Her and possibly others or just because. i would do it. i would rather have another sub/slave (and i hopefully) entertain Her but if She ever decided to lend my hole(s) to another Master/Mistress to use i would go without question. i trust Her to make sound decisions. i would look at the other person as an extension of Madam, they would be another instrument at Her disposal just like the cane, Her cock, or any of the other implements that She uses to own me. i did tell Her that i would only do it if She were either involved or watching if bondage were involved (going back to the safety clause).
On a somewat related note, i have always been intrigued by poly relationships, swinging, and open relationships (true open relationships, not the ones that are open cause the primary one is in trouble). i was once approached by a couple to become part of their family. At the time i told myself that i couldn't have imagined having to tell my family and that i didn't want to have to keep it secret but i think the bigger reason was that they had kids that were like 4 and 9 at the time and i didn't feel that they had thought that aspect through enough. If the kids hadn't been around? i don't know what i would have done.
i LOVE sex. In the past i have had sex with people i don't care about or that i'm not 100% attracted to. i have had sex to spite exes. i have had sex only because i know that the other person want to. Does that make me a slut? Maybe... i most definitely LOVE being Madam's filthy fucktoy slut! Having Her talk dirty to me turns my nether regions slick with copious amounts of "natural lubricant", if you catch my drift. Just thinking about it now....i think i need to take a break ;D
i do kind of wish She was into having a threesome with another woman. i've been involved in a few (not just with women mind you) in the past and can say that good times were had by all involved. i say this because sex is fun and variety is the spice of life, or so the saying goes. i don't say this because i am in the least bit dissatified with the sex that Lee and i have now. On the contrary, it is the best sex i have had in my life. And i don't just say that cause Madam reads what i write, it's the honest to goodness truth. Then why would i want a threesome, one might ask? Well for the spice factor and you can learn new techniques and just cause it's plain fun. and cause i'm a bit of a slut. OK i said it. Or maybe with another couple each of us having sex in our pairs, at least to start off with. Pretty sure it won't happen though.
If Lee and i had an open relationship would i sleep with other people? Probably only with Her present and/or involved. i'd rather us be together than have each of us have sex with others separately. i'm not sure why, maybe then there would be less of a chance of jealousy issues? One thing i know is that i would never cheat on Lee. i love and respect Her far too much to ever hurt Her.
OK i'm done for today, i have a headache and this computer screen is hurting my brain... of to divert the blood to other parts of my body!!!....
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Naughty sub and Our Anniversary
Last night Madam had to punish me. i broke the rule about asking for a treat, twice. i ate a Rice Krispy Square and drank a Coke, both without asking. i knew what i was doing was breaking the rule when i did it but basically chose to ignore it. After my corner time, i begged Madam to give me a spanking but She decided that She wasn't going to. Not as a punishment as least. Instead She upped the intensity of my maintenance spanking quite a bit.
Usually i lay over Her lap and She bare hand spanks me but last night She had me stand and bend over onto the bed. She warmed my ass up with Her hand then used the cane. After She finished we talked for a few minutes and decided that from now on the maintenance spanking were going to be more along that line, that neither one of us were finding that the current intensity to be sufficient. i asked Her to hit me harder. She bent me back over the bed and went and got her belt. Now, last time She used Her belt it hurt like hell but last night it didn't feel that bad at all, in fact She was spanking me harder with Her hand so She got the cane back out. She beat my ass until it was red and covered in welts and i was crying. Finally, the release that i had been longing for. Even though there were no tears my body heaved with my heavy sobs. It was so cathartic.
i don't understand why i need that physical punishment to forgive myself but i just don't feel like i have atoned for my sin(s) until i have. i think that sometimes i act out to get the punishments because i don't know how to ask for them. Madam told me last night that if i feel i need a spanking, that i can ask for one but to me that feels like i'm telling Her what to do. i realize that if She were to punish me when i act out for attention that She is only reinforcing the bad behavior so for that reason i need to learn to ask. But still....
Afterwards, Madam fucked my pussy with her cock until i came four times. She put Her hand around my throat, making it slightly hard to breath which i found incredibly arousing. The thought that my very life was in Her hand was soooo erotic! The struggle to breath, to swallow...i think i want to experiment more with breath play!! Safely though, i don't want to go the extreme where i would be in danger of passing out.
Switching gears....
Today is our anniversary! It was one year ago today that we went on our first date. One year ago my whole life changed and i have never been happier. i met my best friend. Though it has only been one year that we have been together, She knows me better than anyone else has. She knows my deepest secrets, my loftiest dreams and everything in between. She is my eternity mate, the woman i will spend the rest of this lifetime and each lifetime to come with and that still wouldn't be enough time with Her. We are having dinner at home (steak and crab legs if you care to know) and then going to the gay bar to dance. We haven't been dancing since Halloween, except if you count when i make Lee dance with me in the kitchen lol.
Well Madam is leaving work early so i had better go and get back at the housework so it's all done when She gets home.
i love You so much Lee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Happy anniversary!!!!!!!
Usually i lay over Her lap and She bare hand spanks me but last night She had me stand and bend over onto the bed. She warmed my ass up with Her hand then used the cane. After She finished we talked for a few minutes and decided that from now on the maintenance spanking were going to be more along that line, that neither one of us were finding that the current intensity to be sufficient. i asked Her to hit me harder. She bent me back over the bed and went and got her belt. Now, last time She used Her belt it hurt like hell but last night it didn't feel that bad at all, in fact She was spanking me harder with Her hand so She got the cane back out. She beat my ass until it was red and covered in welts and i was crying. Finally, the release that i had been longing for. Even though there were no tears my body heaved with my heavy sobs. It was so cathartic.
i don't understand why i need that physical punishment to forgive myself but i just don't feel like i have atoned for my sin(s) until i have. i think that sometimes i act out to get the punishments because i don't know how to ask for them. Madam told me last night that if i feel i need a spanking, that i can ask for one but to me that feels like i'm telling Her what to do. i realize that if She were to punish me when i act out for attention that She is only reinforcing the bad behavior so for that reason i need to learn to ask. But still....
Afterwards, Madam fucked my pussy with her cock until i came four times. She put Her hand around my throat, making it slightly hard to breath which i found incredibly arousing. The thought that my very life was in Her hand was soooo erotic! The struggle to breath, to swallow...i think i want to experiment more with breath play!! Safely though, i don't want to go the extreme where i would be in danger of passing out.
Switching gears....
Today is our anniversary! It was one year ago today that we went on our first date. One year ago my whole life changed and i have never been happier. i met my best friend. Though it has only been one year that we have been together, She knows me better than anyone else has. She knows my deepest secrets, my loftiest dreams and everything in between. She is my eternity mate, the woman i will spend the rest of this lifetime and each lifetime to come with and that still wouldn't be enough time with Her. We are having dinner at home (steak and crab legs if you care to know) and then going to the gay bar to dance. We haven't been dancing since Halloween, except if you count when i make Lee dance with me in the kitchen lol.
Well Madam is leaving work early so i had better go and get back at the housework so it's all done when She gets home.
i love You so much Lee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Happy anniversary!!!!!!!
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Ranting and Updating and Goals! Oh, my!
What to say... what to say...?
One of my rules is that i have to blog twice a week and it's Thursday and i haven't blogged once yet this week. i have been a busy little sub- baking, meal planning, cleaning, getting my resume updated and so on and so on.
i think i'm going to start off with a bit of a rant today. i am a member of a few submissive groups on Fetlife and i have been noticing lately that so many women (and men i guess but it seems to be more so the women) think that there is one "way" to be a sub/slave (herein known as s-type), have a D/s relationship, please their Mater/Mistress (herein known as M-type), etc. i get so frustrated and shout at my computer screen which i realize doesn't help anything but i cannot for the life of me understand why so many probably very intelligent women think there is one way?!?! Yes there are how-to books, but they are mostly suggestions and if something isn't right for you or your relationship then modify it or don't do it. It won't make you less of a s-type if you don't enjoy cooking for your Master/Mistress or if you aren't a masochist or what ever it is you think you are "supposed to do" if you and your M-type have agreed that is isn't right for the two (or more, if you're poly) of you, there are no kinky police who will come and throw you in jail if you don't do certain things. Ok, for things like flogging, caning or other actual play activities, yes there are right and wrong ways for safety reasons but last time i checked the s-type doesn;t usually do those things anyways. Chill out, you're not "doing it" wrong!!! AARRGGAAH!!! i have never really thought that Lee and i had to do anything we didn't want to. i have a bad knee- when it's bad i don't kneel, i sit cross-legged. i also get pretty bad headaches-when i do i'm relieved from doing my more intensive tasks, or putting them off for another day. And guess what? Lee doesn't punish me for sitting cross-legged, having a headache, not being able to do laundry cause the machines were all full...sometimes things are out of a person's control. i mentioned that maybe the reason that we never felt like we had to conform is because of the fact that we are lesbians and are used to not doing things the way society says is correct/normal but like i said i have never felt like i/we must do anything we didn't want to (except my tasks-some days i really don't feel like doing them but alas i must lol!)
OK i've said it. i'm done ranting...for today lol!! if anyone has anything to add or would like to counter what i have said please leave a comment.
The bumps that Madam and i were experiencing are smoothing out quite nicely. She has done an amazing job of stepping up to the plate and giving me a Madam to submit to. We have work to do yet but we are headed in the right direction
Madam has found two new ways of reminding me that i am Hers.
The first is one that neither of us thought that we would do let alone like enough to add to our regular routine. What is it you ask? Madam has begun marking me with Her urine on days that i shower with Her. i kneel in the bottom of the tub and while Her warm stream runs over my back i feel myself falling deeper and deeper into my place as Her property. It started after i was acting very feisty the other day and She decided to show me that as Her property She can do anything She wanted to. Now i know that we have it in our hard limits, but we had talked a bit about it and i had mentioned that i would be up for trying it as i thought it would make me feel very owned but i really didn't think Lee was into the idea at all. i love it and think it is helping me feel more owned through the day, kind of like the maintenance spankings (but since we do those just before bed i don't find their affect carries through to the next day).
The other way is through wearing bells on my ankle cuffs so i can hear each step i take. i know there are many subs who only have a necklace, bracelett or other "vanilla looking" "collar" but i love the reminders. Maybe that's cause we're still new at this and i need the more physical stuff right now. i love having all my senses reminded of Madam's ownership of me. So now i am reminded through sight, touch, smell (i can smell the leather of my collar sometimes, especially when i've been working hard-incentive to work hard? maybe!!) and sound. i am also reminded throughout the day mentally when i repeat my mantra.
We have been talking about me topping Lee for a scene. i have topped her before, in play and in a vanilla sense but not since i became Her sub. So... if anyone has any suggestions on how to maintain my submissive-ness while topping Madam, please throw them this way.
One other quick note, Madam and i have talked a bit about us working one day towards me becoming Her slave! i don't really know how that will happen but She has/is getting over the negative connitations She had about me being Her slave and i guess that's the first step. We both have a lot of growing to do before it happens but i'm glad to know that we have a long term goal to work towards as well as the shorter term ones.
Well, i think i've stalled the chores long enough and since i have another busy day i should probably end this here and get going on the tasks at hand. Oh the life of a sub!! But i wouldn't change if for anything.
One of my rules is that i have to blog twice a week and it's Thursday and i haven't blogged once yet this week. i have been a busy little sub- baking, meal planning, cleaning, getting my resume updated and so on and so on.
i think i'm going to start off with a bit of a rant today. i am a member of a few submissive groups on Fetlife and i have been noticing lately that so many women (and men i guess but it seems to be more so the women) think that there is one "way" to be a sub/slave (herein known as s-type), have a D/s relationship, please their Mater/Mistress (herein known as M-type), etc. i get so frustrated and shout at my computer screen which i realize doesn't help anything but i cannot for the life of me understand why so many probably very intelligent women think there is one way?!?! Yes there are how-to books, but they are mostly suggestions and if something isn't right for you or your relationship then modify it or don't do it. It won't make you less of a s-type if you don't enjoy cooking for your Master/Mistress or if you aren't a masochist or what ever it is you think you are "supposed to do" if you and your M-type have agreed that is isn't right for the two (or more, if you're poly) of you, there are no kinky police who will come and throw you in jail if you don't do certain things. Ok, for things like flogging, caning or other actual play activities, yes there are right and wrong ways for safety reasons but last time i checked the s-type doesn;t usually do those things anyways. Chill out, you're not "doing it" wrong!!! AARRGGAAH!!! i have never really thought that Lee and i had to do anything we didn't want to. i have a bad knee- when it's bad i don't kneel, i sit cross-legged. i also get pretty bad headaches-when i do i'm relieved from doing my more intensive tasks, or putting them off for another day. And guess what? Lee doesn't punish me for sitting cross-legged, having a headache, not being able to do laundry cause the machines were all full...sometimes things are out of a person's control. i mentioned that maybe the reason that we never felt like we had to conform is because of the fact that we are lesbians and are used to not doing things the way society says is correct/normal but like i said i have never felt like i/we must do anything we didn't want to (except my tasks-some days i really don't feel like doing them but alas i must lol!)
OK i've said it. i'm done ranting...for today lol!! if anyone has anything to add or would like to counter what i have said please leave a comment.
The bumps that Madam and i were experiencing are smoothing out quite nicely. She has done an amazing job of stepping up to the plate and giving me a Madam to submit to. We have work to do yet but we are headed in the right direction
Madam has found two new ways of reminding me that i am Hers.
The first is one that neither of us thought that we would do let alone like enough to add to our regular routine. What is it you ask? Madam has begun marking me with Her urine on days that i shower with Her. i kneel in the bottom of the tub and while Her warm stream runs over my back i feel myself falling deeper and deeper into my place as Her property. It started after i was acting very feisty the other day and She decided to show me that as Her property She can do anything She wanted to. Now i know that we have it in our hard limits, but we had talked a bit about it and i had mentioned that i would be up for trying it as i thought it would make me feel very owned but i really didn't think Lee was into the idea at all. i love it and think it is helping me feel more owned through the day, kind of like the maintenance spankings (but since we do those just before bed i don't find their affect carries through to the next day).
The other way is through wearing bells on my ankle cuffs so i can hear each step i take. i know there are many subs who only have a necklace, bracelett or other "vanilla looking" "collar" but i love the reminders. Maybe that's cause we're still new at this and i need the more physical stuff right now. i love having all my senses reminded of Madam's ownership of me. So now i am reminded through sight, touch, smell (i can smell the leather of my collar sometimes, especially when i've been working hard-incentive to work hard? maybe!!) and sound. i am also reminded throughout the day mentally when i repeat my mantra.
We have been talking about me topping Lee for a scene. i have topped her before, in play and in a vanilla sense but not since i became Her sub. So... if anyone has any suggestions on how to maintain my submissive-ness while topping Madam, please throw them this way.
One other quick note, Madam and i have talked a bit about us working one day towards me becoming Her slave! i don't really know how that will happen but She has/is getting over the negative connitations She had about me being Her slave and i guess that's the first step. We both have a lot of growing to do before it happens but i'm glad to know that we have a long term goal to work towards as well as the shorter term ones.
Well, i think i've stalled the chores long enough and since i have another busy day i should probably end this here and get going on the tasks at hand. Oh the life of a sub!! But i wouldn't change if for anything.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Finding Our Way
Before i start the actual post for today i just want to say thank you to the person who posted a comment on my last entry. And to anyone else who is reading, i know i don't really ask for advice or suggestions but Madam and i are more than happy to receive any and all. Please follow and/or comment if you like a post or the blog in general.
These last few days have been better. i still don't feel quite as submissive as in the beginning but we're working on things.
i was out of the house on Wednesday and Thursday nights and that gave Lee some time alone, which is a good thing since she hasn't had any in months really. And it was nice to do my own thing. We decided that until i am working that i am going to try to give Her a night each week to Herself while i go to the local rec center, go for coffee with a friend, etc. Maybe this alone time will give her time to focus on all the things She wants to get done that She puts off when i'm around like Her writing, reading and blogging.
After reading my last post Madam and i tried to have a conversation about what i had written but it didn't go well and by the time we went to bed i was very close to calling the whole D/s aspect of our relationship off. That night i didn't remove my clothes the way i'm supposed to and Madam made me put them back on and do it properly, which i fought against but did end up doing. Rather than laying across her lap for my nightly maintenance spanking i just climbed into bed, making Madam demand that i get across her lap and when i refused she physically moved me into position. The worst thing i did though was after the spanking She always asks me who owns me and i told Her nobody and i wouldn't say my mantra when She took off my collar. i got a good beating with the cane for my actions that night but even during that i refused to submit and let her keep hitting me, i couldn't stop myself from being defiant and stubborn.
The next day i was still acting distant but by the time we went to bed i had started to turn around a bit. Madam apologised for punishing me in anger and explained why She thought it was necessary to do it at that moment rather than waiting (waiting would have only made me think that i was right about Her not being dominating and would have weakened our Dom/sub bond to a potentially dangerous level). i agree with Her reason and even though i feel like it isn't usually best to punish when you're angry, i think for Madam She need to or She will be too soft on me.
After i gave Madam Her nightly pleasure on Thursday night She decided She wanted to taste me, which is something that i need to be either extremely horny to enjoy or extremely submissive to feel comfortable having Her do. i was neither but i did want to show Lee that i was trying to make things better too. i think She knew that and was trying to see how far She could push me. She also ordered me to masturbate to orgasm 5 times before stopping. i was in a small panic, i can't orgasm more than once on my clit without a break and i have never been able to make myself cum from penetration. i told her that that was basically impossible. She revised the order to me being filled by Her cock for at least an hour to get myself worked up and minimum one orgasm but that i was to try for more. She told me not to panic, that we will work on me being able to have multiple clit orgasms but for now not to worry about it too much. i only managed one; it took me almost an hour.
i realize now that my acting out was most likely a call to Madam to be more dominating. I still have my reservations about submitting fully again cause i don't want to give up everything if She isn't ready to have it. It was a fairly major blow to me and i don't want to even think about what would happen if Lee dropped the ball again.
i felt very little yesterday and again today. Lee and i talked about what age we think i am when i'm little the other day and we've decided it's around 8 or so (just as an fyi). It's interesting, i've felt little for short periods of time, a couple hours max, but all day yesterday and so far all day today. Normally Lee and i sleep naked but She recognized how little i was feeling and suggested i sleep in a nightie and She sleep in her boxers and an undershirt which i was very grateful for. i also slept with Francine (my Cabbage Patch doll that i have had since i was like 3). After my spanking i had big girl feelings "down there" which Poppi was very good at helping me understand. i am so lucky to have such a caring and supportive Poppi.
i admitted to Madam on Thursday night that i think She is going to have to force me back into deeper submission. i asked Her to rape me. i want Her to beat me until i beg to be Her slave. i want to scream, cry, be humiliated, have my pussy used until it's raw and sore. i need to hurt during and after. i need to really know that She is in control, that She owns my life, my breath. i didn't tell her the last bits but She will know after reading this i guess. She said that She wants to. i don't know when exactly it will happen but i hope soon. And i hope it works.
i realize that this wasn't quite in chronological order but it's just how thoughts came out so i apologize for the scattered-ness of the post!
These last few days have been better. i still don't feel quite as submissive as in the beginning but we're working on things.
i was out of the house on Wednesday and Thursday nights and that gave Lee some time alone, which is a good thing since she hasn't had any in months really. And it was nice to do my own thing. We decided that until i am working that i am going to try to give Her a night each week to Herself while i go to the local rec center, go for coffee with a friend, etc. Maybe this alone time will give her time to focus on all the things She wants to get done that She puts off when i'm around like Her writing, reading and blogging.
After reading my last post Madam and i tried to have a conversation about what i had written but it didn't go well and by the time we went to bed i was very close to calling the whole D/s aspect of our relationship off. That night i didn't remove my clothes the way i'm supposed to and Madam made me put them back on and do it properly, which i fought against but did end up doing. Rather than laying across her lap for my nightly maintenance spanking i just climbed into bed, making Madam demand that i get across her lap and when i refused she physically moved me into position. The worst thing i did though was after the spanking She always asks me who owns me and i told Her nobody and i wouldn't say my mantra when She took off my collar. i got a good beating with the cane for my actions that night but even during that i refused to submit and let her keep hitting me, i couldn't stop myself from being defiant and stubborn.
The next day i was still acting distant but by the time we went to bed i had started to turn around a bit. Madam apologised for punishing me in anger and explained why She thought it was necessary to do it at that moment rather than waiting (waiting would have only made me think that i was right about Her not being dominating and would have weakened our Dom/sub bond to a potentially dangerous level). i agree with Her reason and even though i feel like it isn't usually best to punish when you're angry, i think for Madam She need to or She will be too soft on me.
After i gave Madam Her nightly pleasure on Thursday night She decided She wanted to taste me, which is something that i need to be either extremely horny to enjoy or extremely submissive to feel comfortable having Her do. i was neither but i did want to show Lee that i was trying to make things better too. i think She knew that and was trying to see how far She could push me. She also ordered me to masturbate to orgasm 5 times before stopping. i was in a small panic, i can't orgasm more than once on my clit without a break and i have never been able to make myself cum from penetration. i told her that that was basically impossible. She revised the order to me being filled by Her cock for at least an hour to get myself worked up and minimum one orgasm but that i was to try for more. She told me not to panic, that we will work on me being able to have multiple clit orgasms but for now not to worry about it too much. i only managed one; it took me almost an hour.
i realize now that my acting out was most likely a call to Madam to be more dominating. I still have my reservations about submitting fully again cause i don't want to give up everything if She isn't ready to have it. It was a fairly major blow to me and i don't want to even think about what would happen if Lee dropped the ball again.
i felt very little yesterday and again today. Lee and i talked about what age we think i am when i'm little the other day and we've decided it's around 8 or so (just as an fyi). It's interesting, i've felt little for short periods of time, a couple hours max, but all day yesterday and so far all day today. Normally Lee and i sleep naked but She recognized how little i was feeling and suggested i sleep in a nightie and She sleep in her boxers and an undershirt which i was very grateful for. i also slept with Francine (my Cabbage Patch doll that i have had since i was like 3). After my spanking i had big girl feelings "down there" which Poppi was very good at helping me understand. i am so lucky to have such a caring and supportive Poppi.
i admitted to Madam on Thursday night that i think She is going to have to force me back into deeper submission. i asked Her to rape me. i want Her to beat me until i beg to be Her slave. i want to scream, cry, be humiliated, have my pussy used until it's raw and sore. i need to hurt during and after. i need to really know that She is in control, that She owns my life, my breath. i didn't tell her the last bits but She will know after reading this i guess. She said that She wants to. i don't know when exactly it will happen but i hope soon. And i hope it works.
i realize that this wasn't quite in chronological order but it's just how thoughts came out so i apologize for the scattered-ness of the post!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
This could take years
I thought I had been learning how to domme my girl and though maybe not doing great, I figured I was doing alright considering how new I am to all this and how little time I unfortunately have to focus on D/s. Turns out I was pretty off track. I was doing a pretty poor job of taking responsibility of elle's life and showing her any real reason to submit herself completely too me. I didn't nurture her submission by complementing it with my own domination of her other than on rare occassions.
I fully understand that I need to take responsibility for leading her, which I know I wasn't doing, but I do have plans to take action and change that right away. It is just rather difficult to fully direct her as she needs me to do right now, with her home alone all day while I'm at work. I know there are people that manage this quite successfully, but being into this for only a few months I have much, much to learn. I wish I could just know it all and be able to give her everything in this way that she needs from me, but I don't have the skills - yet - for what she needs. I'm still struggling with the point that I'm not taking advantage of her or hurting her through this lifestyle, we have both consented and at anytime she can use her safeword and I'll stop in my tracks.
But how do I manage to suck up all the information that I need with so little time and the need to be so much further ahead with this right now! By the time I get home and we finish dinner there is about three or so hours in which to spend quality time together, read every bit of BDSM info online that I can find, read up on how to be a strong leader, take nightly pleasure, give maintenance spankings, have sex, play in a scene, cuddle our cats, read books that I have on the go, write more of the story I have started, ect. I need to be able to focus on D/s a lot more than I have been so far in order to do my girl any justice and regain the submission from her I have lost and the bit of love that I feel I have lost as well.
I fully intend on doing this and giving elle every reason to be proud to wear my mark about her neck, and to feel proud myself at the accomplishment I will feel for taking control of not just her life, but my own as well. I have needed a push to get my life in order and I am hoping that as I gain confidence in this part of life, it will positively affect the rest. I just need elle to be patient with me because the last thing I want is to loose her because I'm not able to give her everything she needs to be happy.
elle I know you are not feeling dommed right now and you now have your guard up to resist rather than submit as much as you were before, but I truly hope you will see me really trying this time and accept that I may still be slow in fully growing my wings but that it will be enough to see there is growth. Anything I have read has said it takes years of living D/s to really have a handle on it completely, that concept is really daunting but together I know we can get there.
I love you with all my heart, mind, body and soul elle, little one.
I fully understand that I need to take responsibility for leading her, which I know I wasn't doing, but I do have plans to take action and change that right away. It is just rather difficult to fully direct her as she needs me to do right now, with her home alone all day while I'm at work. I know there are people that manage this quite successfully, but being into this for only a few months I have much, much to learn. I wish I could just know it all and be able to give her everything in this way that she needs from me, but I don't have the skills - yet - for what she needs. I'm still struggling with the point that I'm not taking advantage of her or hurting her through this lifestyle, we have both consented and at anytime she can use her safeword and I'll stop in my tracks.
But how do I manage to suck up all the information that I need with so little time and the need to be so much further ahead with this right now! By the time I get home and we finish dinner there is about three or so hours in which to spend quality time together, read every bit of BDSM info online that I can find, read up on how to be a strong leader, take nightly pleasure, give maintenance spankings, have sex, play in a scene, cuddle our cats, read books that I have on the go, write more of the story I have started, ect. I need to be able to focus on D/s a lot more than I have been so far in order to do my girl any justice and regain the submission from her I have lost and the bit of love that I feel I have lost as well.
I fully intend on doing this and giving elle every reason to be proud to wear my mark about her neck, and to feel proud myself at the accomplishment I will feel for taking control of not just her life, but my own as well. I have needed a push to get my life in order and I am hoping that as I gain confidence in this part of life, it will positively affect the rest. I just need elle to be patient with me because the last thing I want is to loose her because I'm not able to give her everything she needs to be happy.
elle I know you are not feeling dommed right now and you now have your guard up to resist rather than submit as much as you were before, but I truly hope you will see me really trying this time and accept that I may still be slow in fully growing my wings but that it will be enough to see there is growth. Anything I have read has said it takes years of living D/s to really have a handle on it completely, that concept is really daunting but together I know we can get there.
I love you with all my heart, mind, body and soul elle, little one.
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