This could take years

I thought I had been learning how to domme my girl and though maybe not doing great, I figured I was doing alright considering how new I am to all this and how little time I unfortunately have to focus on D/s. Turns out I was pretty off track. I was doing a pretty poor job of taking responsibility of elle's life and showing her any real reason to submit herself completely too me. I didn't nurture her submission by complementing it with my own domination of her other than on rare occassions.

I fully understand that I need to take responsibility for leading her, which I know I wasn't doing, but I do have plans to take action and change that right away. It is just rather difficult to fully direct her as she needs me to do right now, with her home alone all day while I'm at work. I know there are people that manage this quite successfully, but being into this for only a few months I have much, much to learn. I wish I could just know it all and be able to give her everything in this way that she needs from me, but I don't have the skills - yet - for what she needs. I'm still struggling with the point that I'm not taking advantage of her or hurting her through this lifestyle, we have both consented and at anytime she can use her safeword and I'll stop in my tracks.

But how do I manage to suck up all the information that I need with so little time and the need to be so much further ahead with this right now! By the time I get home and we finish dinner there is about three or so hours in which to spend quality time together, read every bit of BDSM info online that I can find, read up on how to be a strong leader, take nightly pleasure, give maintenance spankings, have sex, play in a scene, cuddle our cats, read books that I have on the go, write more of the story I have started, ect. I need to be able to focus on D/s a lot more than I have been so far in order to do my girl any justice and regain the submission from her I have lost and the bit of love that I feel I have lost as well.

I fully intend on doing this and giving elle every reason to be proud to wear my mark about her neck, and to feel proud myself at the accomplishment I will feel for taking control of not just her life, but my own as well. I have needed a push to get my life in order and I am hoping that as I gain confidence in this part of life, it will positively affect the rest. I just need elle to be patient with me because the last thing I want is to loose her because I'm not able to give her everything she needs to be happy.

elle I know you are not feeling dommed right now and you now have your guard up to resist rather than submit as much as you were before, but I truly hope you will see me really trying this time and accept that I may still be slow in fully growing my wings but that it will be enough to see there is growth. Anything I have read has said it takes years of living D/s to really have a handle on it completely, that concept is really daunting but together I know we can get there.

I love you with all my heart, mind, body and soul elle, little one.