Last night Madam had to punish me. i broke the rule about asking for a treat, twice. i ate a Rice Krispy Square and drank a Coke, both without asking. i knew what i was doing was breaking the rule when i did it but basically chose to ignore it. After my corner time, i begged Madam to give me a spanking but She decided that She wasn't going to. Not as a punishment as least. Instead She upped the intensity of my maintenance spanking quite a bit.
Usually i lay over Her lap and She bare hand spanks me but last night She had me stand and bend over onto the bed. She warmed my ass up with Her hand then used the cane. After She finished we talked for a few minutes and decided that from now on the maintenance spanking were going to be more along that line, that neither one of us were finding that the current intensity to be sufficient. i asked Her to hit me harder. She bent me back over the bed and went and got her belt. Now, last time She used Her belt it hurt like hell but last night it didn't feel that bad at all, in fact She was spanking me harder with Her hand so She got the cane back out. She beat my ass until it was red and covered in welts and i was crying. Finally, the release that i had been longing for. Even though there were no tears my body heaved with my heavy sobs. It was so cathartic.
i don't understand why i need that physical punishment to forgive myself but i just don't feel like i have atoned for my sin(s) until i have. i think that sometimes i act out to get the punishments because i don't know how to ask for them. Madam told me last night that if i feel i need a spanking, that i can ask for one but to me that feels like i'm telling Her what to do. i realize that if She were to punish me when i act out for attention that She is only reinforcing the bad behavior so for that reason i need to learn to ask. But still....
Afterwards, Madam fucked my pussy with her cock until i came four times. She put Her hand around my throat, making it slightly hard to breath which i found incredibly arousing. The thought that my very life was in Her hand was soooo erotic! The struggle to breath, to swallow...i think i want to experiment more with breath play!! Safely though, i don't want to go the extreme where i would be in danger of passing out.
Switching gears....
Today is our anniversary! It was one year ago today that we went on our first date. One year ago my whole life changed and i have never been happier. i met my best friend. Though it has only been one year that we have been together, She knows me better than anyone else has. She knows my deepest secrets, my loftiest dreams and everything in between. She is my eternity mate, the woman i will spend the rest of this lifetime and each lifetime to come with and that still wouldn't be enough time with Her. We are having dinner at home (steak and crab legs if you care to know) and then going to the gay bar to dance. We haven't been dancing since Halloween, except if you count when i make Lee dance with me in the kitchen lol.
Well Madam is leaving work early so i had better go and get back at the housework so it's all done when She gets home.
i love You so much Lee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Happy anniversary!!!!!!!
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